Faithful Lies

You faithfully tell me
that I'm not going crazy
that my hair looks okay
even when it's unbrushed

I tell you that I don't want
to take my medication
That I'm sure it's been
tampered with and poisoned
when I cry because I don't
know what to do with the pills
and the capsules of antipsychotics

You faithfully tell me I'll be fine
even without the little tablets
that bind me to a sane reality

So I flush bottles and bottles
of Haldol, Thorazine, and more
and send them spiraling down
the u-bend in the toilet bowl

When I stand there for hours
just staring straight ahead
because the hallucinations
are too loud for me to focus
on the real world aroudn me

You put your arms and my shoulder
and whisper that I'm gonna be okay
You faithfully tell me you love me
just the exact way I am and it's okay
that I missed my meeting with the therapist

When I don't sleep at night
because I'm sure a man with a camera
crept into our room and is trying to
take pictures of me to post on YouTube

You get out of bed and make loud noises
and then tell me that you saw him too
but you scared him away and it's fine now

When I down three bottles of Aspirin
Because the voices told me I should
I don't tell anyone until too late
Because I know you'd understand anyway
You call 911 and then cry as you hug
my cold stiff body tighter then you
ever thought you could or should

You realize with a sickening feeling
that the only one you were saving was you
and by faithfully feeding me lies
to protect yourself from the truth
You left me to flounder in a reality
That never existed for either of us