I was looking to the night sky
Tryin' to keep my eyes dry.
Failing, a single tear breaks through
[For you]
But much to my surprise
My tear didn't fall,
And it started to rise
[So I stopped my cries]
And it floated up into the dark
I looked up and saw a mark,
A spot of light where it was exploding,
[My heart's pain eroding]
The sparks of light all started to fall
As they came down they formed a ball.
It shown as bright as the sun, but softer
[A peace offer]
It's form was as big as my hand,
It's light so brillantly grand;
My little star so lovely
[Holding it so snuggly]
And so I wished upon it,
Wishing for this pain to quit...
Wishing for some love to settle in.
[And I kindof had to grin]
I tossed it up, and it floated away,
A wishing star for someone else to pray
A tear fell down to the ground with grace,
[And a smile came up to my face]
Author notes
AP name: x-Dookie-x
Inspiration: Contest 'If I Caught A Star' by Echo Frost
A contest entry
- If I Caught a Star by Autumn Ginger.
300 points, ended October 14, 2008, 20 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me ur best!! by ProudMomma.
526 points, ended October 17, 2008, 50 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Best of the Year by Bean Sidhe.
1350 points, ended January 3, 51 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Over 100 Options and everyone needs to enter! by joleahe.
550 points, ended November 20, 48 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - round contest number one (prewrite) by serenity silvermoon.
510 points, ended September 25, 111 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - GOLD DIGGERS ONLY (just for losers) by tarcus.
950 points, ended April 8, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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[For you]
[So I stopped my cries][My heart's pain eroding][A peace offer][Holding it so snuggly][And I kindof had to grin][And a smile came up to my face]
It is a great pity that when put together these mean nothing to me.
For me if you are going to use this poetic device then the words within the parenthasise must communicate a constructive message to help cement the message embodied within the main stanzas and at the same time connect with each. -
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damn, I was just putting shit in brackets because I wanted to, it was enough of a reason for me. I suppose it is a pity that it means nothing to you.
I'd change it to better suit your wants, but I happen to like it how it is.
If you find this comment bitchy, I apologize whole-heartedly.
I'm in a rather horrid mood.
Seriously... sorry. haha -
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You have every right to be protective of your work.
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yeah... I still feel bad for being bitchy...
I could have handled that better. =/
gosh I feel bipolar.
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Thank you for your entry & good luck in the contest.
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wow I really loved this write! SO BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN! Thank you for entering! Keep on penning
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Thanks for entering my contest. good luck!
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.... not sure what to say.......
I can't believe you came up with this.. it's amazing!!
not that your other poems aren't.. but holy smokes!!
you make me feel like a hack of a poet..haha.
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awe thank you! and you certainly aren't a "hack of a poet" as you put it. lol you really are wonderful
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