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Sacrifice

The ghosts were gathered in a ring
To slice their latest offering
A maiden pure lay white and cold
With greying lips and growing mould

A single scarlet rivulet
So neat, dead straight and jelly-set
Ran from the mouth of beauty slain
Her skin as pale as porcelain

The grimmest theatre ever found
A bloody opera in the round
A virgin sprawled upon the stage
Leaves no experience or age







Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Death of the Author
    October 25, 2008

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    Very good, very enjoyable to read

    I used to write rhyme a lot, then I stopped writing, now I just seem to churn out free verse. I think your writing may change that (hopefully anyway!)

    greying/growing - excellent

    Well, I'm off to bed but it is a pleasure reading your work. I shall definitely be back


  • Three Doves
    October 22, 2008

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    You are blessed with much talent my friend. Your work is always a pleasure to read. Keep expressing your heart, your emotions serve you well. I was able to view the scene start to finish through your eyes. Thank you.
    Peace in light and love
    Noah


  • tony yates silver member
    October 20, 2008

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    fantastic

    the rhyme in verse two beauty slain and porcelain is first rate. i loved this poem. the wording is top-notch. the imagery is, for me, outstanding. well done - please keep writing you are so talented.


  • JaydinC
    October 19, 2008

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    Wow...that is what dark poetry should be like. You painted the picture so brilliantly I felt like I could see it as plainly as you did when you wrote this. Amazing write, thank you for sharing.


  • Mat Larkin
    October 15, 2008

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    The highest compliment I can pay another writer...

    I wish I had written this.... You set forth with seeming finesse and ease, ideas and feelings which I work so hard to express...

    Your work is special...

    Bravo!!!


    • BabyBun silver member
      October 16, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Wow thank you Mat for your wonderful words - coming from someone as wonderful as you I am honoured indeed. Thank you!

  • Eusebius
    October 15, 2008

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    Bravo

    A very dark and most deftly done piece, with perfect meter and excellent rhyme! Quite appropriate to the season. I loved it! BRAVO!!!

  • jaie2007
    October 15, 2008

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    Dark and Decadent!!!

    "A single, scarlet rivulet,
    So neat, dead-straight and jelly-set
    Ran from the mouth of beauty slain
    Skin as pale as porcelain"

    You're the most talented and diverse poet I've ever read! There are so many sides to you. You crafted these lines as a French painter. You combined beauty and the beastial beautifully.


  • Cup-a-Joe silver member
    October 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Mr. Poe himself would like this one.
    You do these so well.
    Joe


    • BabyBun silver member
      October 14, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for your kind words - you're the best!

1 - 10 of 10