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Zero Dedalus Zoomspluva

Withered and wild the wabbily bloop
Barely breathing did razzle and wade,
As the salt-thirsty slug of Bazamoogie
Cried sandpaper tears in the shade.

Scroping the maddles of the shasta waggler
On its billabong quackor so old,
He did rake and baffle the riley riddler 
With bear nipples showing signs of getting cold.

Unphased by the raxis and quaz
Of this selser cantras galad,
The scoober raver did dance the Octava
Day dreaming of Ginger Rasika Salad.

~*~

Author notes

Option #1

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • Ravynna
    October 20, 2008

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    It reminds me of something...

    I thought it was really good...it reminds me of Lewis Carroll's "Jabberwocky" (We read it in English, so that's how I knew about it....)


  • Exit-Stage-Right
    October 15, 2008

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    Are you sure Bazamoogie doesn't have two z's? Scoober Ravers have been known to dance a premeditated Oxtrot, but an Octava in October? I think their knees would freeze. Oh, silly me, I'm thinking about the Poober Clabers down the way... you're quite right!

    Ain't it fun to Zoomspluve?!


    • blondeoverblue
      October 15, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Ah you must be thinking of the illusive barking Bazzamoogie pigmy sub prime tribe of deepest darkest Baltimore. I just went for the more obvious ones!


  • Poetess12
    October 14, 2008
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    This poem is a work of art. Good use of words.

    Thanks for your entry.


  • Crowheart
    October 14, 2008
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    at 5:30 a.m. this spins me round town. perhaps Im reading it wrong, but the rythm seems a bit...er...um...off. (sorry sweety, you asked for constructive criticism). I could be wrong, I have zero tea in the tank as of yet. I'll come back after work and have another gander

    • blondeoverblue
      October 14, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Oh no, fair shout, if it doesn't sound right please do say so! I'd suggest reading it aloud, that might help, but it is a bit of a tongue twister

      • Crowheart
        October 21, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        okay Blue, here we go. (time ticked by like a cantaloupe).
        I've read this aloud more times than I care to admit, and I do find that the words and rythyms have begun to settle between the cheek and gum (as the cowboys say) and feel at home there.
        As for the imagery of this write, whoa! Having never seen bear nipples that were anything but warm, one can only guess what the sight of a scoober raver would be. :}

1 - 7 of 7