My creation, in your ways,
You've been the light of my dark hours,
But also darkened all my days;
You got me down but gave me powers.
Sweet illusion that I made,
You've been here to clear my sight,
But I knew that in the end you'd fade;
With you, I was insane but right.
Temptation dearest, created by me,
You took all my breath away
But breathed me in so I could be;
I need you to go... I want you to stay.
Author notes
No notes. Only ...
If you have any suggestions to improve this piece..please, go ahead.
A contest entry
- Contest for rhyming poems... PW of Oct'08 is allowed by Manoj Sanyal.
370 points, ended October 18, 2008, 23 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-Writes under 15 Lines That Have Won a Trophy! by Leance.
400 points, ended July 14, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
It's been a while. Do I still have it?
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Very interesting piece. This can be interpreted in several different ways.
I need you to go... I want you to stay.
It always seems we are in this type of predicament. We like the wrong side of the tracks so to speak however, we know it is something we don't need.
Nicely penned. Thanks so much for entering however, I do have to disqualify this as it has 16 lines. I do apologize however, if you have any 15 or under, please enter. Forget the above line....you have 12 lines.......you're ok.
Leance
L
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Very nicely done-- just one question -- did you mean "fate" or "fete" -- I think the later might also fit! Enjoyed this very much!
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Oh, oh, my bad - that, there, was a typo. I meant "fade". Thank you so much for reffering to it in your comment, I shall correct it now
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Just re-read this, with the correction. I love it even more!
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Thought provoking
Beautiful flow and rhyme scheme throught this piece. It has the meter with fits my ear and my style. Nice job with content as well and keep the writes coming.
Rhon -
nice poem
it is poetic, I havebnt seen a poem this crafty that is devoted to an imaginary friend before .I hope you continue to love your invisable pal as it seems to bring a wondeful side out of you.
Gday -
'But I knew that in the end you'd fate;'... the line seems odd to me.
I liked the variations and opposites as expressed.
It is a good poem.... may be some adjustments are needed.
Suggested above as you expressed about the same in AN... never mind.
Good luck,
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