The window to my heart, covered in web
Lies staining the glass,walls around it
Cracked with the broken promises
Teardrops long ago dried,they are not new
Left long ago, when I was left by you
A depressingly beautiful view once you take time
My heart surrounded by dusty glass
Author notes
Image Credit: Lonely Window by Chris Conrad 2003
A contest entry
- Between by Pamela A Lamppa.
1750 points, ended October 28, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Whatcha thinking?
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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This poem still stands at 51 words and could easily become 50 with the removed of the word "the" in line 3.
No need for a comma between glass and walls in line 2
You have taken an interesting tack with the prompts provided. I liked the cracked wall comparison to broken promises. Nicely done. Thank you for your entry. Best of luck in the judging. ~Pamela
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Checking now for word count and I find 54 but there is plenty of time to hone and whittle this beauty to 50. I will be back.
~Pamela
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Ah forgot about the word count LOL but it is now knocked down to 50!!
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heartbreak or at least heart cracks. An expressive write.
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This does precisely convey a lonely image
and a feel of despair. End punctuation might
give it a smoother flow. I had to reread to
see "lies" as the noun and not the verb.
I like how the ending echoes the first line.
Blue
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Well written daughter
I loved thisd write...it flowed effortlessly, and was serene and picturesque. A wonderful take on the picture.
Good luck
Bravo
'D'
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