I remember the first snows as a child
running out before the ground is white
spinning dizzily, mouth open to the sky
catching pure white cold, so small, so light.
I remember the full moon from my window
The spring air gone crisp and cold again
laying awake, knowing summer is close behind
the worries were so few back then
I don't remember a first dance in the rain
a first jump into the lake with all my clothes on
or watching the sun rise holding someone's hand
So many memories I won't have before I'm gone
Now I'm leaving snow and shadows behind
and I'm closing my eyes against sunshine
the grass under my feet fades to my touch
as I'm taken from what should be mine.
She came in the night and kissed my brow
and He knelt and took my hand
I was surprised that Fate is so pretty a face
and Death looks so like a young man
So it began, this run to the end
and in this second before I go
I miss the moon, the sun, and the rain,
the earth, the leaves, and the snow
In this second I'm being let down
Because I gave this struggle my all
I'm losing my life and my family and friends
Though I tried so very hard not to fall.
A contest entry
- MUHAHAHAH!!!!!! by Dirty and Broken.
800 points, ended October 16, 2008, 35 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - quickie: sad poems. by wecanbreatheagain.
900 points, ended April 2, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Poets With Less Than 10 Trophies- Your Best Pre-Writes by Mercury Rising.
700 points, ended May 1, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Must Be Crazy -- Prewrites by ladybug..
1000 points, ended June 25, 105 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I feel sad.. so make me cry =] by Lady Michaella.
550 points, ended July 24, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 1000 points, 1000 pws by Shadow Anonymised.
1000 points, ended November 23, 1080 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - Give me your very best!!!! Tons of points! by God is my reality.
1450 points, ended November 24, 258 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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Loved It!!!!
Jaime this is truly beatuiful. I loved the imagery. It was so sad and I could see it playing out through the imagery. It was as if I was the one living it. You are a great poet. I love your poems.
Love,
Crystal
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oh this is so sad but i absolutely love the imagery and how the end rhymes. It's a very vivid poem and brings me back to when i was little and played out in the snow. Excellent write and goodluck in my contest
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Breathtakingly Beautiful Write.
I'm impressed. Your talent is overwhelming in itself. This was a incredibly beautiful and breathtaking compostition that silenced me by it's brokeness. The metaphors, the truths that it screamed. Everything about this was flawlessly composed. I was impressed by the way the flow accented the tones of this piece. Brava on a breathtaking write my friend.
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Ms. Badass.
...I have to admit that I havent officially read
ANY of your work until this one.
Jaime.
(grins)
Kiddo.
(smirk)
...you are quite the writer, no?
I was asked by a good friend of mine to come and
take a peruse through some of your works and I
am very pleased that she did. You use perfectly
innocent and almost primordial sensations and use
them in figurative ways to convey your insights.
Who can read this and not feel almost everything you describe?
...
speechless.
(ponders)
...figuratively speaking.
(grins like the devil he is)
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i tried to give you more applause my posting again but it wont let me.. you deserve more
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This is truly breathtaking, iot nearly made me cry, ... speechless
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good. very moving.
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An excellent write - much deserving of the gold. Congratulations!
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wow that left me speechless
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Excellent writing Jaime!
Kudos!
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Yes this is a trophy winner for sure!! very dramatic, in-depth and heart felt, nice write!
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A very well deserved win.
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This is incredible. So filled with imagery & emotion is set behind every word. Thank you for sharing.
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I can see why you won two golds with this. I need to take you very seriously as a contender to contest with. Wow every word is unique in iself. I am so glad you didn't have end ryhme, this is awesome. The best piece, "a first jump into the lake with all my clothes on
or watching the sun rise holding someone's hand
So many memories I won't have before I'm gone
Now I'm leaving snow and shadows behind" and the metaphor, - "keeping one's clothes on", is the pure understanding you have.
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The poem has a wonderful voice to it. Such sorrow about experincing something beautiful knowing you'll never see it again. To know you'll never get to touch the warmth of a hand or even hear the laughter of a child.
Such a cold thought.
Your words sway me, keep up writing, Billy.
You have a gift.
-Wicked Jester -
This is really good. I like how you wrote it. Very good imagery! Congrats on your gold trophies! Keep up your amazing work!!!
TwiztidMaggot -
This has got to be one of the deepest poems that i have ever read
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This is really a terrific poem, and it was a pleasure to read and ponder. Best of luck in my contest, and thanks for entering.
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this was an interesting story. it's a first person perspective but with a twist. i felt that it ended somewhat abruptly though, like i was waiting for a line or two afterwards to finish it up. thank you for entering.
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I like it, just not a winner.
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WOW!!!
VERY GOOD!!!!! This was an amazing write!!!! I really enjoyed reading this... Im sure we are feel like we are failing and some things, but the best thing to do is keep your head up high and pray for the better... Keep up the great work!!! This was really well written!!!
Shannon*Leah -
You really hit your stride in the middle of this piece. I think it's all the memories that just ring true and really, really pull the reader in. The style you use for this is perfect. Great job.
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Amazing
Thank you for your comment, your work is amazing as well. This piece hits hard and strong, the emotion is almost overwhelming. Your words flow very well, making a beautifully sorrowful rhythm. Congrats on the Gold
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That was
truly amazing, beautifuly broken
Congrats on the Shiny Gold well deserved
Blessings
Rend
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wow...this almost made me cry...wow...
thank you for entering...
wow...
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