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Scattered Reason


Fallen dreams bleed
pooling nightmares
hope sacrificed
for realities reason,

bound tightly
visions weep
scattered into the void.

Assuming eyes search
through festered cracks,
fragments corrode
belittled by diamond hues
that echo upon the souls
wasteland.

Broken

         torn

               shattered

 

yet...


still signs of arrhythmia
pumping projectile thoughts
that perish
in silence.

 

 

 

Author notes

Prompt: SHATTERED ALIVE - my thoughts/feelings when I saw it. I think it makes a fantastic name by the way.

pic: http://ooarizenoo.deviantart.com/art/Shattered-me-18264477

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 22 of 22

  • Dark Otter
    April 10

    Edit | Reply

    Hey Pink!

    I didn't know that you had started venturing into free verse. A good write that shows that you have worked hard to begin to master this form.

    Once again you show what words can do in the dark genre.


    • LadyDementia gold member
      April 11
      Edit | Reply
      Hey thanks Pleased you enjoyed it, thought I ought to give free verse a go

  • RechercheCadaver
    November 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is so beautiful, and I was reading it to Depeche Mode's One Caress which made it even more magic. My favorite part is "hope sacrificed
    for realities reason,
    bound tightly
    visions weep
    scattered into the void." I love the personification of visions. I can just imagine visions weeping and forgotten in the name of reason. Very thought provoking and expressive poem. I love the flow and your word choice was right on too.


  • Mariana gold member
    November 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Brilliant...I agree with you about the words 'shattered alive'...so simple yet meaningful.
    I thought this poem was wonderful...especially the last stanza. I could feel the pain in this poem...the feeling of not living...but merely existing. Well done
    Mariana


  • Ellis gold member
    November 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    I'm not a doctor, but...

    Your circulatory system has run amok
    Pumping projectiles is not good
    Sounds like you are out of luck
    I would help you if I could

    I'll tell you what I'll do for you
    Send a case of my cat food
    Eat it all, and when you're through
    You'll be as good as new

    Tiki Cat
    Buy Tiki's Gourmet Cat Food
    "Too Good For Humans"


  • Sweet Impatience gold member
    October 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love the third stanza the most Mommy.. you did an incredible job with the prompt. I really love this poem so very much. shattered alive that is an incredible prompt.

    Congratulations on the Gold Trophy
    kat


  • Aimee Hill
    October 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    WOW

    Very Vivid imagery!! I especially like the way you've written...
    "Broken
    torn
    shattered
    yet..."

    Just adds that extra something... keeps the poem from being the same ol' lined up way. You kept my attention with this write, I couldn't pull away until I read the very last word. I also really like your use of words. Excellent job!


  • Paloszoo gold member
    October 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    still signs of arrhythmia
    pumping projectile thoughts
    that perish
    in silence.

    I love that stanza!! Beautiful poem! Thanks so much for entering my contest. I’m honored to have you show your work here.


  • tawk gold member
    October 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    So well deserving of the Gold!! Amazing imagery and emotion. Just wow very thought provoking. Thanks for sharing with me. hugs Theresa


  • mysticstorm gold member
    October 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Such beauty in your darkness...stepping ou and into the mind of insanity is a very interesting place to be in words...I have done it often and often wonder about myself due to iy...truly worth of Gold, my friend...excellent!
    mystic


  • Spiritual Nature
    October 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I can so relate to this poem, unfortunately. Sounds like a place I have seen too many times. You did a great job at describing the shattering of a soul. Poetically graceful, strong and vivid visions, what a great job you did here.

    BLESSINGS & LOVE,
    Doris


  • WolfHeart
    October 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A reach into the inky blackness of insanity presented with your artistic flair. Like this a lot, but find myself saying that often about your finer work. Well done.


  • Disturbed Prodigy
    October 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wonderfully written, i saw the pic, and i don't think anyone else could have worded it better, keep it flowing and good luck in the contest

  • Sweet Impatience gold member
    October 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Excellent Mommy. this is a brilliant dark write and its fab.. am I losing my mind or is this not in rhyme?
    this is fantastic, you did amazing.

    good luck in all of your contests.

    kat


    • LadyDementia gold member
      October 15, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      No that would be my muse, he has lost his mind and forgotten to rhyme Thanks hunni


  • ears2hearyou gold member
    October 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    beautiful example of well written dark poetry!
    well done poetess!
    ears/Seattle


  • kareneisenlord gold member
    October 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    As usual your metaphor and imagery is astounding. This was tragic, yet still leaves one with a fragment of hope. Best of luck in the contest. Karen


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    October 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I just love this!!!! Your freeverse is on fire bestie!

    This could relate to so many situations! I sure know it does to some of the stuff I'm dealing with as you know!

    Love it!!! And.. you


    ♥


    • LadyDementia gold member
      October 13, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Aww thanks bestie Coming from the queen of free verse it mean a lot! Lubbers you to


  • Fritz O skennick gold member
    October 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Wow!!! Your muse is on fire...

    Not only is he lodging, but the boots have come off & he's made himself right at home...
    Loving the stirring, dark thoughts & emotions here...
    You're awesome at free-verse...
    Officially blown away here...
    Felt it, lived it, loved it...
    Well done!!!


  • Wolf Mancini
    October 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Cool poem...

    The last part is outstanding.
    The whole poem is exceptional...as always.


    wolf


  • Reptile Lady gold member
    October 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh honey this is awesome !
    I hoped you would write for this contest and, you have not failed.
    Dark feelings ooze from every pore of this poem
    Good luck and best wishes
    Julie

1 - 22 of 22