As darkness and light collide
there's a spiralling
into that vortex
of total confusion.
You grasp at coherence,
but it's just out of reach,
as insanity
claws cosily
around you.
At the crossroad
the battle is focussed
and the mantle
the keeps you jumbled,
slips,
oh so briefly.
A cacophany of bells
rattles at discomposure's face,
as the whistles march you back,
into the maelstrom.
Author notes
Option 3: Lyrics
a throat with a heart in it stuck in traffic
a ticket and a mind to fly
an alarm clock still drunk and high
sanity painted her mask on
all the way across town
a compact frown
projected on a retina upside down
you're an avalanche of detour signs
falling off a truck
swooning like a boxer that is too dizzy to duck
your decisions turn around and then you're back and then you're stuck
good luck.
- ani difranco
A contest entry
- Fuel For Thought by Jfd.
900 points, ended October 23, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please Tell Me What You Think
Comments
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I think that in the beginning this piece started out a bit slow, but gained momentum rather quickly, your final stanza was very nicely done. There's a few small errors but nothing a couple re-reading/revisions couldn't fix. Not many people chose the third option, and I am glad you were up for the challenge. Thank you for entering!
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Excellent
This truly is a wonderful poem. I really enjoy your imagery. I did wonder though if a different word in the second verse might strengthen the flow when it is read aloud. (eg. substituting coherence for sanity
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This is a lot like how I feel, you have the knack of such great imagery you put the rest of us to shame. Best to you in the contest
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this is very well written. You use imagery very well. The dark border goes well with this. You also use emotion very well. Good job. Good write thanks for sharing this.
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