He didn't advance...
in confusion
she pondered her fate
as he walked away
how can she measure
her own strength
if he robs her
of the simplest of pleasures -
temptation
A contest entry
- 30-40 words of brilliance #4 by AutumnGypsy.
450 points, ended October 14, 2008, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - critique by DancingRed.
400 points, ended July 16, 51 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Brilliant. Completely, please excuse my language, fucking brilliant! So much pain in just a few simple words... My favorite lines were
"if he robs her
of the simplest pleasures -"
Awesome piece, and keep writing!
~ASingleBloodyRose
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This is really sad.
I like how you've used punctuation to give a great pause in the first line. Works well.
Maybe your middle sections could have more imagery or something, though - I feel as though they just tell rather than show, you know?
Thanks for entering!
DancingRed.
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I like how you have taken this to a completely different way to the rest, so beautifully written. best to you in the contest
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Thanks =) Whenever I hear the word fortress, for some reason I think of innocent virgins.
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