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The Wrong Train...

                                Guess I am taking the wrong train,
                                sitting on the wrong seat
                                waiting by the wrong window
                                watching out for you
                                every tormenting twilight,
                                as perspiring passengers hustle
                                and those in my frame of mind,
                                are acquainted to the scar behind my smile.

                                I ask the same question
                                again and again,
                                as there is nothing new

                                to occupy my muffled mind,
                                my life,
                                and there never will…     

                                I browse through every message
                                you sent me on my cell phone,
                                every morning, afternoon and night,
                                when one day, they all stopped,
                                unforgettable words that left a mark in my heart,
                                and now you don’t even bother
                                whether I live or die.

                                Where are the days
                                when we used to hold hands together,
                                and walk the green sunny paths
                                as I gave you a kiss and a flower.
                                Am I to believe they’re gone forever?
                                and blame it on destiny?
                                Where are the days
                                when you’d say back then
                                “You take my breath away”?

 

                                 Why is everything so wrong

                                 ever since the day you got on that train?

Author notes

Note to the contest host: I have used all of the words from reverse order

Yeah, yeah! Quite innocent, nothing new, very simple, isn't it? But not when you are limited to use word from the word bank! LOL! I have used all of the words. Check the contest for details: Word Bank by Noir mariposa

WORD BANK

~Away~ breath~ Back~ Destiny~ forever~ flower~ Hold~ live ~ mark~ message~ never~ new~ Question~ same~ Scar~ smile~ Twilight~ Waiting~ window~ Wrong

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Noir mariposa...x gold member
    October 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I keep coming back to this for a number of reasons;

    1. This is a beautiful background; did you make it yourself??
    2. As you said; very simple but a superb effort for using all the words

    --

    I thought people were gonna struggle to use all of them but you've done it very well

    Thank you for your entry!


    Claire x


    • Lencio Rodrigues
      October 19, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you Claire, well to be honest, I enter contest only if I find them interesting, and yours definitely was. The words came easily and they all flowed, didnt really have to think where and how to put them...so, the credit goes to you!!!

      and yes I have made the background, so just inc ase you need to use it someday, you can.

      Lencio


  • Cyber Artist Moderators member
    October 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    choo choo well done fulfilled all the contest requests and wrote a good poem as well I think of trains as cramped people ready to go home LOL
    Cyber Artist


  • upperworld06
    October 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow thats cool what you did, good write.


  • Raining Kisses silver member
    October 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very cleverly constructed piece of work, the rhytm immediately grabs me as it gives an impression of being on a speeding train so straight away the poem has life, your, and the very precise sort of language the way you say just enough to make a point gives the impression of one who has given up hope. I like the touch with the cellphone makes the whole thing real, and adds a lot to imagry very good write indeed take care of yourself littlefishone(THERESA)


  • trekkergirl
    October 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    oh and I just wanted to say that i really think your background goes well with this poem. I believe that pictures and backgrounds can really help a poem get across to the reader. Good job

  • trekkergirl
    October 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is very well written. Need to re-look at it. You have one word really out of place. Also, a few words that are unnecessary but all in all I really like this and it is an excellent write.

    • Lencio Rodrigues
      October 13, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks trekkergirl, I will have to revise it then, will have a look at it for sure.. I truly appreciate your comment and suggestion.


  • chilali
    October 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent!

    I love the way you used the words from the word bank to create this beautiful piece. Honestly, it brought tears to my eyes. I think it did! Especially the last two stanzas! Well done and good luck in the contest! This was great!

1 - 11 of 11