Last night we ran around in the middle of the street
and cut out our hearts to hang them
on the frosted telephone wires
where they quivered timidly in the pale moonlight.
We sat down in grass slightly moistened with dew
and I watched your chest rise & fall
as your breath caught in the air.
You asked me, “What is love?”
and I said I didn’t know.
Last night we peeled off our identities
letting our history sink beneath the ripples in the lake
to a depth no one would ever find.
I traced the scars on your back,
finding beauty in the jagged wounds.
You smiled genuinely
& asked through hazel eyes, “Do you love me?”
and I said I didn’t know.
Last night we scratched off our vocal cords
surrendering to the silence as the stars burned out
leaving us in a cradle of utter darkness.
You sat with your head against me
and I inhaled the scent of your hair
as a tremor of passion climbed across my nerves.
You asked me, “What is love?”
and I held you closer whispering what I always knew,
“This, this is love. Just being here with you.”
Author notes
Hey Lowercase Prelude!
So I wrote this based off of your inspiring title, "Blink Once For Yes, Twice For No". I didn't mean to write something so cliche, but it's what popped into my head when I read the titles in your contest & I thought it would be weird to use the title and then not enter this in your contest, you know? But the other poem I entered is the one I am more happy with, haha
A contest entry
- Burning Calories In English, Spanish, and German by lowercase prelude.
2750 points, ended October 19, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Wanted: Rockin love poetry! by babydollxgonexwrong.
400 points, ended December 22, 2008, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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"You asked me, “What is love?”
and I said I didn’t know.
Last night we peeled off our identities
letting our history sink beneath the ripples in the lake
to a depth no one would ever find.
I traced the scars on your back,
finding beauty in the jagged wounds.
You smiled genuinely
& asked through hazel eyes, “Do you love me?”
and I said I didn’t know. "
"You asked me, “What is love?”
and I held you closer whispering what I always knew,
“This, this is love. Just being here with you.”...
great
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metaphor is my favorite word. starting to think it's yours too. you seem to get better and better with every poem that i read of yours. sometimes all i have to say is wow.
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I could not honestly say this is my style. And it's not exactly what I wanted for the contest. But without a doubt, I must applaud you for your extreme creativity and intriguing piece. You managed to create something with form and pattern while keeping within a prose feel.
Nice work, a breath of frwsh air amongst the mononty.
Thx for entering my contest! :] -
So Bria, can you be any better at this poetry thing?
Cause I don't think so. =)
You're so good at this. It's like I'm watching a movie instead of reading a poem. You're amazing, bottom line.
Love,
Billy.
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~Last night we ran around in the middle of the street
and cut out our hearts to hang them
on the frosted telephone wires
where they quivered timidly in the pale moonlight.~
I can see this in my head, such great imagery.
~I traced the scars on your back,
finding beauty in the jagged wounds~
I often find myself doing this to my boyfriend. Very nice how you worded this because sometimes people don't see the beauty in them. I liked how you brought this out. This is a very nice write!!
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I don't think it's cliche. I mean, the concept could be interpreted like that, but the way you worded it was very original. Great job!
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-Last night we ran around in the middle of the street
and cut out our hearts to hang them
on the frosted telephone wires
where they quivered timidly in the pale moonlight.
...
I read those lines and nearly fainted :] I loved the metaphors and imagery in that first part; you completely blew me away and just wow. I don't even knowww. That part was just amazing. Relating to cutting out our hearts to hang them on frosted telephone wires? Where zah fawk do you come up with this ! It's brillianttt
-You smiled genuinely
& asked through hazel eyes, “Do you love me?”
and I said I didn’t know.
...
Awww :]]] Those lines seriously made me tear up. Idk what it was about them, but they seriously just wow. I loved the whole simplicity of them, yet the depth that lingers behind them as well. Beautiful♥
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Last night we scratched off our vocal cords
surrendering to the silence as the stars burned out
leaving us in a cradle of utter darkness.
...
Ohkay, so WOW. I love the whole image of scratching off vocal cords. That's like genius. Seriously. I love how you wrote that so well and phrased it so perfectly. I couldn't have worded it better myself !
I also love how you ended this poem, with an answer to the question asked in the previous stanza. It made me smile =) Your poems always do.
Gahhh this is incredible ! Just like you
I love you Frankkk♥
<3333
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aww this is cute as! your wording is brilliant, you really seem to know exactly what to put down to make the biggest effect. it doesn't sound cliche at all I really enjoyed reading this, well done.
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AWESOME
You have a real talent
Love is a dangerous thing, yet you make it sound so soft, and so easy.
Awesome write, truly. Nicely done
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Your emotional imagery and metaphors were really good and this was an exceptional piece
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