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no silver lining







empty pockets
are hollow
as synergistic effects
of blue on black
fading
soot filled eyes close
the cloud
of my shadow


bleached white songs
with faceless compassion
linger
inside worn patches
of vinyl skipping
dubbed in wear
and tear
of the years


purity falters with
each new cycle
in alleys
of common threads
that suck my soul
like sarcasm
of an amnesiac


echo's laughter
stirs
and stains
the knees
of bidding


fluid drains
in weightless
puddles
as death seeps
in
a starless heaven
of empty half-pints


shadows of dust
and rust
cling to the black
while i
hold on
  to the blue






Author notes

MuddyKing
Prompt: "My mother said my shadow often looked like a cloud.
I said I often felt like one."
-Clouds, Amber Tamblyn

artwork: "Blues My Only Friend" by me

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    November 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Such a melancholy feel to this! Love your imagery and descriptiveness in this...


  • marc creamore
    October 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The blues personified . . . keep on keepin' on Richard, your voice always resonates . . .

    Marc


  • zochit2me gold member
    October 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Some damned fine writing here. Love the bluesy feel to this and the picture...well damn it just fits so perfect like peas and carrots

    "synergistic effects" love the use of this together...


    of blue on black
    fading..I would change fading to fades...just personal preference and flows better to me.

    "bleached white songs" ...mouth hangs open in awesomeness, drooling on self...Damn that is a good image.

    Love the entire S3 stanza...I really am in awe here...

    And the wrap up was done so well, tying the image of blue and black back together.

    You done good...real good.

    ♥Becky♥


  • Night Hope gold member
    October 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    You may sing the blues like nobody's bidness, but Baby, where you are, there will always be a silver lining lingering around. Good luck in the contest, Scribe. Wanderer


  • notorious
    October 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I am so glad you entered...!
    I'm also glad that I gave you that prompt, because what you did was it was so good I read it twice (and will probably reread a third time...and a fourth. )

    As for the artwork... It's so good and befitting.

    "empty pockets
    are hollow"
    'empty' and 'hollow' could easily be synonyms, but I like what you've done with these 2 words--I feel like they are different levels of emptiness and hollowness when they are separate words in such close vicinity to each other.

    Hmm. I might not have taken my "makes any sense" pills today.

    I love that blue and black appear in both the first and last stanzas--it feels so connected.

    S2="bleached white songs
    with faceless compassion"
    I think only you could make 2 lines this unique brand of uniquity... Such awesome adjectives you've chosen--I especially love "faceless compassion"--insincere compassion maybe?

    'wear' 'tear 'years'
    Such awesomely similar sounds.

    "like sarcasm
    of an amnesiac"
    I loved all of S3 more than words can say,
    but this simile...WOW.
    Loved it, and I also am a sucker for sarcasm with the right inflection...

    "the knees of bidding"
    Well now this makes me think of satirizing religion...maybe. Or supplication.

    'dust' and 'rust' in that last stanza.
    You are too good.

    Thanks for entering.

    Jessica

1 - 5 of 5