i.
i was afraid that the tip of my tongue would fall off because of the numerous bite marks i left on it. i thought the glue wouldn't hold for long because the beats of my heart were too strong to keep it from breaking. i was unsure if tears would be enough because you always turned your head in disgust when they fell. so i became a fugitive of love because i was afraid you'd realize my full potential.
ii.
i can hardly keep my eyes open anymore. these paper-thin walls i've created keep getting penetrated by your venomous comments. i've tried so hard to shake you from the pedestal i've placed you on but it seems your glued on tight[too tight].
iii.
your mood swings are violent and they have they habit of kicking and pushing[me]. you fall apart at the seams and assume i'm the on who is suppose to sew you back together. your whispers are like screams against my ear drums [maybe it's my daily hangover] you say we're perfect match, but i highly disagree. baby you're just like chocolate filled with ants (melts in my mouth and bites my tongue)
iv.
lets maneuver ourselves back to the times where we sat underneath the pink and turquoise sky wishing that someone would pause this picture perfect moment of us holding hands, stealing kisses...being the unfair fairytale. now the sky has turned black and green and sun never shines. our hands turn into water when we touch and our kisses need their money back guaranteed.
v.
i'm telling you everything is going to be alright[but it's not]. i'm kissing your bruises because i made them [but not really] i'm holding on to your hand for dear life because i'm scared to lose the feeling in between my fingers [i could care less]. i wanna say i love you [but the rewind button won't let me go back that far to believe that lie]
Author notes
dani.sez.rawr
'bitte spring nicht'
-------------------------
5.Write about not believing in love
♥♥
A contest entry
- contemporary emotional personal poetry♥ by etoile.
575 points, ended October 19, 2008, 46 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Finding Love [True Love Waits Forever][Awaiting Arrival Of Unborn Child] by stargazer..
400 points, ended April 20, 62 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prompt Potpourri Preliminary - Rounds Contest. Auditions. by xxRainbowDawnxx.
400 points, ended December 29, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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wow
This is pretty good, loved the way you write good jobs
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:]]
this is good, you kept em coming.
..i wish i could do that.
much love,
oldschool
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'i was unsure if tears would be enough because you always turned head in disgust when the fell.'
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I think you missed a couple words in that line.. it should read: 'I was unsure if tears would be enough beacuse you always turned your head in disgust when they fell'
also in the last line it should be 'I wanna say I love you'
except for those mistakes this was an amazing write. I liked the imagery and emotions a lot.
my favourite part was stanza ii.
thanks for entering and goodluck
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corrections have been made ^_^
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Liked the sentiments expressed in these lines. Filled with raw emotion and feeling. Looks very paragraph and prose like; also find the non capital first letters of sentences distracting. Title very fitting.
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emotion filed and painful...
Good luck,
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Deffinately full of pain, and an emotional write. I could feel it, and it was discriptive as well. Great job!
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The title really fits with the poem.This is a great and emotional write. Thanks for entering my contest and good luck.
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ty for entering good luck
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This is totally packed full of emotion. The words are well-chosen and make total sense, and style of the poem is eloquent and heartfelt. The ending leaves us stunned. Metaphors and similes! The topic might be viewed as cliche by some, but the writing is unmistakably new and original! Hope you win a lot of trophies from those contests!
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wonderful!
i could hear the emotion in this poem like you were reading it to me yourself! this was so beautiful and heartfelt so i knew you truly meant it all. good luck in the constest(s). -
Fantastic
This poem was amazing. I seriously felt the pain that was streaming through each and every line of your writing. The form is one of my favorites, as well. =]
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Oh my Buddha.
Bookmarking.
This has left me completely speechless.
I love it.
Thank you for entering ♥
-Rainbow -
Very good emotion and feeling put into this.You have some grammar errors that can be corrected. I could follow along but felt that the paragraph form and break up took away from the flow for me.I felt putting this into a form instead of keeping it in a style like free writing took away from this emotion filled piece.
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I love this!!! First of all, I've always loved this form, and your words and images are beautiful. Well penned, I love it
~HH
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This is a sad story, sounds like a prose. It's more deep than what I'm used too, but thanks for sharing. UNT
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Honestly there is good emotion here, but that's about it. The beggining is riddled with grammatical errors, and the rest of it doesn't have much beauty in it.
It removes any semblance of elegance to put exactly what you mean into the poem in parenthesis. Poetry needs room for interpretation, it is the air that a poem breathes and it is what ultimately makes it grow into something beautiful in the mind of the reader. -
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ur entitled to your own opinion
thnx for the comment
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let me point this out before i forget...
"i was unsure if tears would be enough because you always turned head in disgust when ([([([the])])]) fell."
I think thats suppost to be they ^_^ -
im normally not really in to the whole paragraph type writing, but I really like this one! It's broken down very nicely and it flowed with great elegance. Very well penned.
ing alone,
Mylee
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