The gates of Hell have fully opened,
the people’s fate she has already sealed
She does not fear them or their rotting souls,
she is dark and will never be healed
The devils daughter is back once again,
to wreak her tyrannical revenge
This time not as picky as she was the last,
now it is all she’ll avenge
It started in a small New England town,
and it has flourished like a disease
She is no ordinary everyday bitch,
as she brings the world to its knees
Murder and mayhem the start of her deeds,
in a torturous style of death
Slaying by axe and maul she desires,
or her sucking out all of your breath
She has become the darkest of deities,
her followers all crave for their blood
The streets run red with the stench of flesh,
as their pedigrees collect in a flood
Tainted when she was fourteen and in school,
her morals have been swallowed whole
Leaving the evil that crawls out of her bed,
quite morbid and outside of control
First were the towns then cities and states,
she’s consuming the whole of the earth
Looking to spawn the devastation and ilk,
her rage has grown up since her birth
“Queen of the damned” princess of the dark,
She’s the scourge of pure goodness and hope
Dragging her victims to grind through the streets,
then hanging them to dry on the rope
Helpless are those who do not follow her rule,
for her strength is the power of hate
The horror she brings like a circus to town,
as appallment she lives to create
No stopping her now as her carnage rolls through,
crossing oceans she chews the land
At this rate it seems that in no time at all,
she’ll have spat out the hearts of all man
Author notes
Night_Terrors_II_by_ani_r atdeviantart.com
A contest entry
- Obscure beards and other hairy wonders by acari27.
500 points, ended October 27, 2008, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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booger i knew this was you
the rhyme
this is what i mean by melt, http://allpoetry.com/poem/3847387
and its as much to do with her use of syllable patterns as it is with her words or her topic
Its not about the topic or the content-i can see you have the content, but for me the flow is impeded by the rhyme.
The only ways it would appeal to me more is smoother rhyme or freeform. its simply personal taste. I think many people would like this in its present format.
You have stamina, you have a thread.
If i had to pick what lines i liked it would be the following, for the word juxtaposition the resulting flow and the content
First were the towns then cities and states,
she’s consuming the whole of the earth
Looking to spawn the devastation and ilk,
......
“Queen of the damned” princess of the dark,
...
Dragging her victims to grind through the streets,
...
Helpless are those who do not follow her rule,
her strength is the power of hate...
No stopping her now as her carnage rolls through,
crossing oceans she chews the land
At this rate it seems that in no time at all,
she’ll have spat out the hearts of all man
I found these lines quite powerful when condensed.
As i said, not a rhyme fan.
But the length of the comment should indicate it interested me
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Wow! This is very dark and well
written. I love your story as well
as the rhyme scheme that you have
going on here. That's quite a terrible
and evil soul there. Great job bringing
this picture to life through your words
here my friend! I love the imagery in
this too! All the best to you with this
one and keep up the wonderful work here!
Jeremy0826 -
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Thank you very much for reading and your comments they mean much to me. This is the second in her saga, there maybe more to come. She is almost old enough to have children. Damn you know what that means.
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