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Silence Crawls

 

 

 

 

`*Silence`*

will fall like dew

walking in summer’s night

dream, lavish her gold clay as death

crawls the river basin.

A hush fell on

the land

motherless of

a child scream, weeping the

the one who fights for the land with

ruinous gleam that shine

a horror wash

absence

pulsating end

of eternity days.

Gathered one terrible night as

hate consumed them fragile,

facing daemons

dreaded

sound came from the

a misgiving careless,

one day where darkness swept a fate

like shift of winds moving

across the land

filter

an augury

needed between evil
and the truth that lie dying in
the gaze across

oceans.

acaaaaa

Author notes

Behrquain Swirl form:2/4/6/8/6/4/2/4/6/8/6/4/2/4/6/8/6/4/2/4/6/8/6/4/2/4/6/8/6/4/2

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Arkbear gold member
    October 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Hello

     

    Are you seeing yuir first L is scooted all the way over to your left?

     

    No worries, sometimes that happens when you use *Word* format or such

     

    Last L is white....not sure what that is, as my eyes can not tell .....maybe has to do with *oceans*?~

     

    *crawls out of the river bed.*....7sylls....should be 6 -

     

    I find this Theme beautiful in imagery and message.....I truly enjoyed this peiece....you are up againsy somreally incredible write/entries.....your aesthetics are really off on 2nd & 3rd Swirls.....try to perfect your Forms, as this is Art, indeed

     

    Good luck and God bless you!

     

     

    Bear ~

    • haley27 gold member
      October 19, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks Bear

      I've corrected the line with 7 syllables. The last line shouldn't be there; originally was supposed to be my prompt. I guess I didn't deleted of word. Thank you for your gracious comment given. Haley27

  • Lislaine
    October 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Waw nice!! I really like it!! Goodluck

    • haley27 gold member
      October 15, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      thank you

      Thank you for the wonderful comment given to my poem. Haley27
  • Francis Vincent
    October 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    very good

    an interesting work
    lots of good metaphor, imagery, dertail, symbolism
    "....weeping the one who fights for the land....'
    something we can all id with
    the most intriguing aspect is "silence"
    we all know silence
    we all heard silence
    we all take a moment of silence
    "silence" in itself is nothing
    but
    actually it means so much
    what would we do if all of a sudden
    we didn't hear the birds chirping, wind whistking thru my window, etc
    in essence, it is the absence of sound
    but means so much more than the spoken word, wetc
    superb

    . Rewarded 8

    • haley27 gold member
      October 13, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you

      Thank you for the wonderful comment given. I'm glad you liked my poem. I see you hear silence as much as I. I was inspired in the moment of silence. How we take it for granted, and not appreciate the sounds we hear. Haley27
1 - 6 of 6