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Away

~*~
I can
not understand
what you want me to hear
Please come closer and tell me more
I want to understand
all that you say
to me
Now I hear you
How do you know my name
Where is it you come from my friend
did you come here alone
Tell me your name
It's Speck
how beautiful
That fit's you perfectly
I wish I had wings like you have

it would be wonderful
to fly so free
like you
What did you say
You came to rescue me 
Oh...how I wish you could do that
I would love to be free
from all the pain
I feel
Yes, I will come
with you away from here
When and how will we be leaving
I don't know how to fly
I have no wings
I can't
OK, I'll try
Yes, I have my eyes shut
All right, I will repeat your words
take me far...far away
and give me wings
take me
far...far away
and give me wings to fly
Oh my goodness, I'm feeling strange

Take me far...far away
and give me wings
take me
far...far, Oh my
Oh my word, I have wings
Look...look at me...look at my wings
they are so beautiful
they are perfect
come see
Look at me fly
I can not believe this
Yea, I have wings and I can fly
Are we going to leave now
Were'd you go Speck
Let's go
before we can't

I'm ready to leave now

Where are you my little friend Speck
We need to be going

I can't see you

Come back

Where did you go

Oh no...what's happening

my wings are no longer working

I'm falling....falling fast

what's happeneing

I'm awake
~*~

Author notes

Picture: by Friess Benjamin -



Form: by Arkbear -




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A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Arkbear gold member
    October 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Hello

     

    You sure gave my fingers a good tapping on my chest to count all of those lines

     

    SUPERB Theme!

     

    Next....try to avoid this..>>  Oh...how I wish you could......as spaces are not meant for punctuation of any kind in my Poetry Formed contests, they ( spaces ), are meant for carefully chosen words to fit your Form....and you have done it in a couple of other areas as well ~

     

    However, I must say it did add to the Tone.....lovely indeed.....just be careful next time and allow your Readers to use their own Flowing Tone to pick up on how you want to express your lines.......ie:.....Look look at me look at my wings....

     

    ...give your Readers some credit.....most will know how the Flow is going.....especially after they have captured your tone given to them by your incredible lines 

     

    I think you have created a most beautiful b swirl.....LOTS OF EFFORT WENT INTO THIS.......well-noted!

     

    Good luck and God bless you!

     

     

    Bear ~

     

    PS....I am not saying this to make you think it's going to win......or not......but I adore this write very much......I wish you the best ~!


  • Dalaney gold member
    October 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    very creative!
    I thought this was an
    interesting piece of writing,
    although the highlighted letters
    made me blink blink...lol I love
    the line, "Oh, my word, I have wings!"
    You captured the essence of total
    surprise here...and I liked it

    Love, Lane


    • nevadapoet
      October 16, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I thought I'd try this form of writing for something different...the reasion for the highlighted letters,, is the guy who hiosted this contest sent a message saying that this form of writing is to be taken seriously and I needed to fix the astethetcs of this piece and treat it with more respect, so I thought I'd blind him with "asthethics"...sort of a way to tell him to you know...
      anyway...thanks for the read...not one of my best, but it was fun trying. If nothing more, I got to piss someone off....lol, flex my rebel muscle.

      Shelly

      • Dalaney gold member
        October 16, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        lol...oooh, how i love rebel muscles!
        For goodness sake, the host must not be familiar
        with you or your writing to tell you to take the
        form more seriously...pfffft....I think its wonderful
        and so do your readers. Lane


  • Cannonsfire
    October 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is beautifully done Shelly, and the conversationalist style works very well here. Good luck with it in the contest. C

1 - 5 of 5