Autumn leaves crackle
your hand in mine
petals of sunshine drift
from the sky and
we catch them in our teeth
The earth is clean and full of life,
we are chemical balance and
kisses fresh and strawberry-red
on our lips.
I do not remember the name
of my first heartbreak,
your father never left,
and your grandmother is still alive.
Take my waist,
and we will walk into the mist.
Author notes
about Heaven.
A contest entry
- Tell me about Heaven by Demington.
1300 points, ended November 24, 2008, 22 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What be your thoughts?
Comments
-
This is such a wonderful portrayal of heaven. I love the imagery and the emotion was joyous but peaceful. Amazing job.
-
Very ambiguous, but with some wonderful imagery.
The second stanza doesn't read smoothly and the disjointed nature of the grammar is distracting instead of artistic. Otherwise this is a very imaginative telling.
Good enough that it merits some more work. if you want to do so just make what fix-it's you need to make and I will look at it again if you'd like me to.
Blessings,
C
ps-great stuff
-
I like the last line, its pretty.
Adding your comment:
