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The Drifter

Missing image

His harmonica plays a very sad, sad tune,

winter dressed, the calendar marks June.

All worldly possessions an old canvas bag,

clothes discarded by others, mostly of rag.

~

Supported by society by only their grace,

years of pain carved deeply, in his face.

Sleep under the stars and moon by night,

just another lost soul, a human plight.

~

He stumbles and falls concrete to face,

not a single passerby slows their pace.

No one to help, the old man’s strife,

when help does arrive, there is no life.

~

Nothing at all can be done, it is all so sad,

but to collect the old man and all he had.

In the city morgue a tag on his toe,

another lost soul, one of many John Doe.

~

The clerk records the contents, of a canvas bag,

all the old man’s possessions all that he had.

Just a lot of paper a few trinkets was the stash,

not a single coin, not a dollar there was no cash.

~

Upon closer look, years of retirement checks

and a few trinkets, the clerk must check.

All were there not a one did he cash,

Silver Star, Medal of Honor was the stash.

~

Turns out the old man is not just any John Doe,

but a man of courage and bravery, all should know.

A cold wind blows in the month of June,

his harmonica plays a very sad, sad tune. 

 

Author notes

By ~ Maxboy
Background By ~ Little Feather
Image Prompt By ~ http://eyeseewell.deviantart.com/art/The-Drifter-80563898
Inspiration ~

A picture of a man who's story needed to be told, not one that seems to be talked about much.

 

GOLD(2),Silver(2),Bronze(2),HM(10)

In a list

A contest entry

~PLEASE COMMENT~

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 99 of 198     1 2  next >  (show all)
  • this is just amazing! so full of images and just wow. thank you so much for entering my contest and best of luck!


  • Blushfulmoon silver member
    June 23

    Edit | Reply

    excellent

    This is a fantastic poem
    Love the imagery and it almost reads like one is telling a story
    Best of luck in the contest
    I entered this one too do hope you come see me
    Hugs
    Susan~~~


    • Maxboy gold member
      June 24
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much for your great comment Susan, I am pleased you enjoyed my entry.

      Thanks Sis
      Bro


  • Antebellum
    June 23
    Edit | Reply
    wow this is amazing. great choice of words.
    the flow is simply stunning.


    • Maxboy gold member
      June 24
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much for your wonderful comment, I am pleased you enjoyed my write.


  • Ooooo wow! I loved this very, the words were so intelligent and thrown together so well, and the flow would be hard to compete with. Tis sad, but well written, thanks for entering.


    • Maxboy gold member
      June 23
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much for your great comment, I am happy you liked my write.



  • Ami
    June 20
    Edit | Reply
    Amazing wow.. speechless.,, Great write and thank you so much for entering Good luck -♥Amy♥


    • Maxboy gold member
      July 7
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much for your wonderful comment, I am pleased you enjoyed my write.


  • wow. this was an amazing poem! so beautiful! i liked each stanza and every line; this piece was very powerful and full of a great emotion. this touched my heart as I read it. it was beautifullly written! BRAVO!!! keep up the excellent and phenomenal work!! thanks for entering and good luck in my contest!


    • Maxboy gold member
      June 13
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much for your beautiful comment, I am very pleased you enjoyed my write.



  • Heva Feva
    June 6

    Edit | Reply
    "when help does arrive, there is no life."

    What a powerful line. But then, this whole poem is filled with powerul and descriptive beauty.

    Great job. Good luck and thanks for entering my contest.
    -heva


    • Maxboy gold member
      June 8
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much for your wonderful comment, I am pleased you enjoyed my write.


  • What a beautiful write; well-deserving of all its trophies!
    Well done, my friend; this is amazing.
    Thankyou so much for entering this piece, and I wish you the best of luck!

    Maria


    • Maxboy gold member
      May 25
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much for your wonderful comment, I am very pleased you enjoyed my write.



  • Shantti
    May 24

    Edit | Reply
    Oh this is so awesome, and so worth all of the trophies it's won. It is simply impecable in everyform. It brought tears to my eyes.
    Very well done. Thank you for entering it here in my contest. This is very beautiful


    • Maxboy gold member
      May 26
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much for the Honorable Mention, I am pleased you liked and enjoyed my write.


  • Incomparable

    Exceptional this would truly be the winner in my eyes; I love this to touch my soul, my heart. This poem is truly remarkable.



    • Maxboy gold member
      May 22
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you again and for the applause, I have to say, I am very proud of this one.

      Thank You So Much

  • Outstanding

    Superb poem, sad butt many of our men end up this way what a sham it is. You touched my heart with this poem.
    Good luck in the contest.

    • Maxboy gold member
      May 22
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much for your beautiful comment, I am pleased you were touched by my write, as that was my intention.


  • 89

    Title: 9/10
    Originality: 10/10
    Emotion: 8/10
    Grammar/Spelling: 8/10
    Flow/Structure: 9/10
    Imagery: 9/10
    Overall Use of Poetic Devices: 9/10
    Reaction: 8/10
    Rules: 10/10
    Overall: 9/10
    Totaling: 89/100

    Wow, this was really good. I loved how this flowed and the message in this. It was really inspiring. I felt like i was there watching this whole thing take place. Great job and good luck in the contest.

    Josh


    • Maxboy gold member
      May 13
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much for your great comment, I am happy you liked my write.



  • Symphony
    October 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The part that stated he fell to the ground face first and nobody even paused to look at him, let alone help help, really made me sit back and think - because we all walk past steret people daily, and I'm sure most of us would react in the same manner if we were to see the same thing happening...

    I have a story to tell you; when I was 15 years old, I up in the city where I'm from in Ireland one day with three friends. One friend was waiting around to get the 2 hour train journey back to where she lives. As we were wandering, we saw a man, slumped, on the side of teh street - nothing new there, didn't pay him much attention.

    Until I saw two small terrier type dogs running loose, again, strays are not uncommon where I'm from - but these two would run to the top and bottom of the street, and then back to the homeless man, and paw at him, so alarm bells started going off in my head. We approached him, cautiously, but couldn't see his chest rising. And so we rang for an ambulane from a public call box; gave our names, where we'd found him, and what triggered our suspicions.

    After 10 minutes, no ambulance, 20 minutes, no ambulance. Rang again, repeated it all, and the person on the other end got irritable, and said it would be with us 'when they had time'. Eventually, roughly 35 minutes after the first phone call, the ambulance came. They went to the man, gingerly lifted him onto his back - stood up, looked at him, and walked away. We were like, ehhh, what? And they told us he was just drunk and had passed out unconcious, and not to bother them again with unimportant nusiance calls....

    Now, firstly, how were we to know he was just unconcious from drink, and secondly - the way they handled him was so rough, as though he were the dirt beneath their feet. This poem you wrote reminded me hugely of this sad, sad, story. I've no idea what become of the man; whether he ever woke up from his drink induced stupour; the nights were cold back then ... But I'll never forget how those two paramedics treated him. Never.

    Bravo for writing this, ands thanks for entering in my contest

    • Maxboy gold member
      April 28
      Edit | Reply

      <

      Thank you so much for your wonderful comment and heart wrenching story, I am pleased you enjoyed my write.

      Thanks Again


  • rainboots
    April 27

    Edit | Reply
    This poem had such a strong truth about it. It just goes to show we don't know as much as we think. We judge people way to quick. You did a perfect job telling this man's story. Great write and thanks for entering.


    • Maxboy gold member
      May 11
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much for your wonderful comment, I am pleased you enjoyed my write.



  • SubKitten
    April 27
    Edit | Reply
    This is a very emotional and strong piece. The rhyme scheme was rather sing-song for this subject and the intended tone of the piece. And the placement of some of the ,'s was a little strange -- there were some where there shouldn't be, and some were lacking where there should be.

  • Great write here! I love this man's story, though the rhyme seemed a bit forced in places. Thanks for entering!


    • Maxboy gold member
      April 22
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for your wonderful comment, I am pleased you enjoyed my write.



  • Cup-a-Joe
    April 20

    Edit | Reply
    Don,
    Thank you for this. I work at a VA. Hospital, and I have seen many men that fit this. One old guy even had the checks stashed in his mattress.
    Many Americans over look our Veterans, esp. the VietNam vets.
    I really admire your rhyme in this. So well done.
    Blesings,
    Joe

    • Maxboy gold member
      April 20
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much for the applause and your wonderful comment, I am pleased you enjoyed my write.

      Thanks Joe

  • I loved this poem, the beginning was ahmazing. Very well wrote, and i could picture everything like i was living the moment now. thanks for entering my contest, i wish you luck!


    • Maxboy gold member
      April 22
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much for your wonderful comment, I am pleased you enjoyed my write.



  • Rheea gold member
    April 16

    Edit | Reply
    This is what I was looking for. I come back to read this often I am cloaked and you just do not know. I wish you would take this to VA centers near you to the mental health centers and they will put this poem up. I wish you also have it published for Vietnam vets . It haunts me. I loved it from the first time I read it because it is happening and has happened in so many forms to our vets. Please will you do this ? I think God gave you a special gift . also if Cup of Joe has not read it will you send him the link and if you do not know him on here will you make contact with him he is my brother as you are. A Vietnam vet I love very much.

    • Maxboy gold member
      April 17
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much Rheea for your wonderful comment, I do know you like this one, as you have commented on it before. I would feel strange doing what you ask, as far as the hospitals and I don't know Cup of Joe. Please feel free to send the link to your friend. I am honored you feel so strongly about my write.

      Thank You So Much

  • lovely i relaly liked this one. you've done well with this. You've made a 35 for this poem giving you 60 points. Great work. Thanks for entering the contest and best of luck toyou. kahy


    • Maxboy gold member
      April 18
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much for your wonderful comment, I am pleased you enjoyed my write.


  • wow this has quite a trophy rack, and a well deserved one at that. dang i mean you really racked those up lol.
    this was a pretty good poem and i loved how you told a story and adding so much meaning to this piece. but i think you may want to reread over it out loud for i had a hard time with its flow in places.

    thanks for entering


    • Maxboy gold member
      April 10
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much for your wonderful comment, I am pleased you liked my write and I appreciate the help.


  • Ami
    April 7

    Edit | Reply

    My favorite lines were...
    "Nothing at all can be done, it is all so sad,
    but to collect the old man and all he had.
    In the city morgue a tag on his toe,
    another lost soul, one of many John Doe."

    Great write and
    Thank You for entering
    Good luck


    • Maxboy gold member
      April 8
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for your great comment, I am pleased you enjoyed my write.



  • Flowergirl
    March 28
    Edit | Reply
    very nice keep it up....


    • Maxboy gold member
      March 28
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for your nice comment, I am happy you enjoyed reading.



  • Jesann gold member
    March 18

    Edit | Reply
    Wow...an impressive array of trophies you have for this poem.
    Very deserving for this brilliant poem.
    You have painted this character beautifully with your words,
    the reader is left wondering about this person...the checks, the medal, and his soulful songs.
    An excellent poem.


    • Maxboy gold member
      March 18
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much for your wonderful comment and applause, I am pleased you enjoyed my write.


  • Awws. That's depressing... And unfortunately quite real.
    Each time I read a new entry the contest gets harder to judge...
    Thank you so much!!


    • Maxboy gold member
      March 31
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much for your wonderful comment, I am pleased you enjoyed my write.


  • This was amazing and so very true
    The statistics of homeless vets. is absured

    But this was touching.
    someone who can have everything (so to say with money)
    wnating nothing

    thanks for the entry


    • Maxboy gold member
      March 30
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much for the applause and your wonderful comment, I am pleased you enjoyed my write



  • lindaburns gold member
    March 1

    Edit | Reply
    Congratulations on the 14 trophies this poem has won for you so far. It’s a sad story that has probably been true any number of times. How heartbreaking that one once so honorable had fallen to this depth. Books could probably be written about where he was, where he ended up and how he got there. I see why you were awarded trophies.


    • Maxboy gold member
      March 3
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much for your wonderful comment and applause, I am pleased you enjoyed my write.


  • poets whisper silver member
    February 16
    Edit | Reply
    thanks for entering


  • misticmoonlite gold member
    February 14

    Edit | Reply

    THIS SANG TO ME

    that sad sad tune, a vet that refused to spend what he had stashed,what is this world coming to?
    thank you for this entry
    Good luck
    mm


    • Maxboy gold member
      February 16
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much for your beautiful comment and applause, I am pleased you enjoyed my write.



  • Rheea gold member
    February 14
    Edit | Reply
    oh this is the one I was waiting for the one I love so much.


    • Maxboy gold member
      February 14
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much for your wonderful comment sweetie, I am pleased you enjoy this one so much.



  • Rhapsody
    February 9
    Edit | Reply
    TWAS BEAUTIFUL!!! i c y it won other contest. . Good luck!


    • Maxboy gold member
      March 17
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for your wonderful comment, I am pleased you enjoyed my write.



  • morgana raven Greeters member
    February 9

    Edit | Reply
    I think this was very touching and very sad, Written well and words chosen to fit perfectly, the picture was also well placed. The only thing I didn't like was the repitition of the two rhyming words in a stanza so soon following. Other than that, brilliant write.
    Laura.


    • Maxboy gold member
      February 9
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for your wonderful comment, I am pleased you enjoyed my write.



  • Ms.Daydream
    January 31

    Edit | Reply
    So touching! But maybe the rhyming was a bit too forced and maybe you could use another word for sad. But overall, it was good. =)
    Good luck in the contest!


    • Maxboy gold member
      January 31
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for the comment, good luck to you as well.



  • Violent Glass
    January 18
    Edit | Reply
    i think this is my favorite from you
    it beautiful
    and sad
    great write


    • Maxboy gold member
      January 18
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for your wonderful comment, I am very happy you liked my write.



  • Luciferschild
    January 9

    Edit | Reply
    I guess you got lucky with this entry cause as luck has it for the 3 monthes until a week ago i was drifting with a bunch of my freinds to san francisco, we left with no money and only a pack on or backs, we got to san fran about a month later and lived on the streets for a while. This poem besides being well written really connects to me because i have met many people just like this on the streets, old army veterans who panhandle the same spot for years. The way society treats drifters is captured very well in this poem and perhaps that is what really captures my attention. thank you for entering the only criticism i would have is that some of the rhymes seem a bit forced but besides that the poem flows naturally and overall the rhymes work well. thank you for entering i will take another look at this one


  • echo-ink
    January 7

    Edit | Reply
    I remember reading this one before, soooooooo sad,
    What a wonderful tribute, and it happens all the time, good ole America and how she takes care of those that fight and sacrifice so that we, the loving, kind passersby, can live in freedom.
    There are so many heroes that society has left outside, lonely, without a thought.
    This poem had such a beautiful heart,
    I loved it.


    • Maxboy gold member
      January 7
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much Bud for the Honorable mention, I am very happy you liked my write.

      Thanks Again

    • Maxboy gold member
      January 7
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much for your wonderful comment, I am pleased you enjoyed my write and it is a message worth remembering by all.



  • Frozentearz
    January 4

    Edit | Reply
    I can see you have won many trophies
    This is a sad tale but a very true one.
    The only thing I would change is perhaps the closing line I would take out one of the sad,
    to give it the perfect closing.
    Thanks for joining in.
    Warm thoughts.
    Frozentearz

    • Maxboy gold member
      January 4
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much for your wonderful and warm comment, I am pleased you enjoyed my write and thank you for the suggestion.



  • januaryrain gold member
    January 3

    Edit | Reply
    So sad, we never know the circumstances in one's life that leave them forgotten and looked down upon by society. I took a fellow into a restuarant one time to buy him a meal, if looks could kill, we'd have both been dead.
    Thank you so much for the amazing write, a public service annoucement for sure.

    • Maxboy gold member
      January 3
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much for your wonderful comment, I am pleased you enjoyed my write; good for you for buying that fellow a meal.


  • i agree with doolie when i read this poem i knew it was a winner you did a wonderful job on this one keep that pen flowing and great job on all the trophys


    • Maxboy gold member
      January 5
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much Dianna for the Honorable Mention, I am very happy you enjoyed my write.

      Love Dad

    • Maxboy gold member
      January 1
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much for the wonderful comment, I am pleased you enjoyed my write. I always wonder about what doolie says, she's my real life wife, so she always likes them all.



  • doolie gold member
    December 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I have to say, from the first time I read it, I knew it was a winner. If I didn't know better, I would have thought you have been writting for years. But I do know better and I'm so amazed at your talent. Such a sad and heartfelt story. Keep them coming sweetie.


    • Maxboy gold member
      December 26, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      Thank you dear for your wonderful comment, I am very happy you liked my write.

      Love


  • Jeremy0826 silver member
    December 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is very sad and heart breaking!
    it's a terrible feeling to know that there
    are so many people out there in this world
    that are going through this. You did a wonderful
    job telling this story and bringing this picture
    to life through your words! Congratulations
    on all of your trophies especially your two golds!
    This is a really well deserved piece. I hope that
    you do well with this one in the contest. Thanks
    so much for sharing it here!




    Jeremy0826


    • Maxboy gold member
      December 25, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much Jeremy, for your wonderful comment. I am pleased you enjoyed my write.


  • nobodys-girl
    December 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this really just made me cry. its so sad that our society doesn't help each other out. its horrible. this really is a great poem. thank you so much for entering my contest and best of luck!


    • Maxboy gold member
      December 23, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I am really happy you enjoyed my poem, thank you for your great comment.



  • Overcast
    December 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love the tone and the way this is written.A bit like statement of fact, very different from the usual trying to shove emotion down your throat.And this one really made me feel something, too.


    • Maxboy gold member
      December 20, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much for your wonderful comment, I am pleased you enjoyed my write.



  • Memoirs of a Girl
    December 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hmm. This is a very interesting write. I feel that the rhyme limits the full creative power that this poem could have, and also makes it seem very sing-songy, which detracts from the seriousness and sadness of the story. I would suggest trying a similar poem, without the rhyme, and see how it turns out.

    Thanks for entering!
    ~Memoirs

    • Maxboy gold member
      December 16, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much for your comment, not everyone is a fan of rhyme, so it is ok to just say you don't care for rhyme. Thank you for the read.


  • Rheea gold member
    December 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    ah but they track those medal of honors, it is the rest. that go lost and go missing. I find this poem a public service anouncement =) and beautiful in content.


    • Maxboy gold member
      December 16, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much for your wonderful comment, I am pleased you enjoyed my write.



  • gigglesalot
    December 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    so sad! i love it. thanks for entering!

    • Maxboy gold member
      December 12, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      WOW!!! Thank you so much for the Bronze Trophy, but most of all, I am so very happy you enjoyed my poem.

      Thank You Again
      Don


    • Maxboy gold member
      December 12, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much for your wonderful comment.



  • Quill
    December 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    • Maxboy gold member
      December 12, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for stopping by for the read, I very much enjoyed your poem and vidio.


  • ASmileForYou
    December 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is so depressing. It is so sad how people can just be lost, and unknown. I saw a guy pleading for money on the street the other day and it broke my heart. This was a very good write.
    Thanks for entering!


    • Maxboy gold member
      December 9, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much, I am pleased you liked my write.



  • justgot2loveme
    December 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A very sad, sad tune.
    This is a sad story you told here.
    Made me cry and my heart ache.
    The ending really touched my heart.
    I love your poem.
    Thanks for sharing and good luck.

    Justgot2loveme

    • Maxboy gold member
      December 11, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much for the Honorable Mention, it pleases me so much you enjoyed my write and was touched by it's message.

      Thank You Again
      Don


    • Maxboy gold member
      December 8, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much for your wonderful comment, I am very pleased you enjoyed my poem and felt the message.


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