Once when I was little an Angel touched my face
just sitting on the patio I felt her loving grace
breeze washed through my limbs, scent of jamine rain
unexpected release of mankind's imposed refrain
so I grew, days then weeks, months then years
surmounting challenge, facing fears
Twice in my youth I felt an Angel by my side
both times I was chancing danger's ride
power surge from heaven but will strong to survive
always embracing God, I stayed alive
so i grew, days then weeks, months then years
my roots took hold and so did tears
Thrice before today an Angel called my name
warning me of squirrels appearing tame
all three times I took a leap and let them in
we learn from our mistakes from within
so I am, each day expanding paths in my unknown
Angels near me, all the day's I've grown
Author notes
POW Contest. A tree contemplating God and Angels in her life, remembering when somebody took her out of her pot and planted her and dangers she faced like lightning and squirrel damage 
and theres metaphors
A contest entry
- Poem of the Week - POW - by Arkbear.
1000 points, ended October 18, 2008, 6 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
-
I like your use of the refrain in this which coupled with its companion after each stanza provides a nice summation and transition, and final statement of the theme. The metaphor is not stretched, but is natural and easily accessed.
-
Hi and welcome!
Why did my comment disappear?
My favorite stanza is the first one "jasmine rain"
The squirrel stanza is weak. Perhaps the angel can use the wind to hoot like an owl in order to to scare the squirrels (squirrels are supposed to be afraid of owls), or calm them with lullabies so they won't rip the tree's leaves.
My scores will follow at the end of the contest.
-
-
im scared of owls theyre suppose to be the most vicious hunters on earth 
i cant touch it til after the contest but thats a kewl idea with the hooting thanxu 
-
-
Awww such a sweet piece of thought to coincide with the prompt. We all need to listen to those angelic whispers from time to time. Nice write! Best wishes in the contest dear!
-
-
thanxu
-
-
Hi and welcome to the POW!
I love this theme! It's very fresh and interesting...my only issue in that regard is that I couldn't quite figure out this was about a tree, without the AN.
I'd like to see a bit more of a direct reference...maybe something in the title even. As Neon mentioned, the stanza with the squirrel seemed almost out of place to me...I'd been thinking one thing, then that came along and I suddenly had no clue what or how it fit in. Clarifying the poem to be about a tree...yet still keeping that wonderful metaphor, along with evening out the flow, are the main things I would suggest. The rest...is minor...like using "from" two times in your 3d to last line, and a wee bit of forced rhyming.
There are far more strengths to this write than weaknesses, IMO...so I do hope you'll made those few changes my co-judges have suggested as to title capitalization, also capping "i", at the very least. It's a good poem and well worth any time you spend polishing it.
Thanks so much for joining us in the POW...hope to see you back again soon!
Good luck and best wishes,
~J.
Remember...no editing once a judge has commented, until after the contest has ended... -
-
thanxu
-
-
Hi there and welcome to the POW
First off I must say that I did enjoy this the more I read it the more that I liked it which I give you great credit for that.I have not seen this theme before so to me it is uncommon and I love it my score will appear at the close of the contest be well. -
-
thanxu
-
-
Welcome, Darkwell,
This certainly is an uncommon theme, at least for me, and so good points on that account. I also realized the metaphoric aspect of your write, prior to reading the AN. Also good points!
Both words in your title should be capitalized, even though you do not use capitalization or punctuation in the body of your write. Also, the "I" in line 11. The word 'angels' should not be capped.
Your rhyme scheme works well..but the meter is choppy, detracting from the overall flow. I found the section dealing with squirrels to be a bit jarring, out of context with the rest of the poem, but over all I enjoyed this write.
My scores will appear with final remarks. Best to you in the contest!
Remember, no editing once a judge has commented.
-
-
thanxu
-
-
Nicely done, great theme too, cetainly unique anyway!
well done and good luck to you,
Floorboards.
-
-
thanxu
-
-
I very much enjoyed this poem Nature undergoes many challenges throughout its cycles, much like humans. Good luck in the contest
-
-
thanxu
-
-
What a beautiful poem... and a very interesting and lovely extended metaphor. Great work! Good luck.
-
-
thanxu
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 17 of 17
