Looking up through salted earth
Upon a life which quickly passed
I can’t remember a day
When I lived as if it were my last.
Watering dusty bones and bedraggled clothes with moisture well known in catacombs; I churn in neurotic discomfort long since my day of eternal unrest.
My heart belongs to the worms now; a home for something other than torment; organically defeated with a wickedly slick and poisoned kindness.
And she knows…
Flesh has never been of any use to me, and so… I do not miss it. Like a snake with clouded eyes, I wriggle within unmovable skin.
Unsheltered and frail, what has changed other than the insatiable hunger, the Nosferatu feel? Physically and forcefully straightened… muscular elasticity; the groans of my broken-stringed symphony.
Dust constringed breath conceals a promise upon my lips… forever and ever I whispered…
… And with the hollowness of your stare…
… It was there that opaque became transparent.
By: Jaye Eryk
Copyright ©2008
Non-monosyllabic comments welcomed
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
a good piece - the flow was well executed and the atmosphere strong with dark clouds, love's frowns, well written.
-
"Like a snake with clouded eyes, I wriggle within unmovable skin."
Gorgeous simile, in a disgusting sort of way...this is so visual and tactile and just a perfect simile; sometimes I lose faith in the way people have similes, but you always restore it.
'wriggle'<==used in a non-jocular way, this word is so...groovy
Have I told you I love snake imagery and symbolism?
You rocked my face off with it here.
Jessica
-
dark, and full with haunting thoughts
i LOVED it sooooo much
amazing write
love always
erica carnea
xx
-
very dark!
this was a tale that made it seem so real...very nicely witten.i must say,you drew a picture in my mind that caused a shever in my skin...
very nice
keep up with great work! i hope to read more.
your true friend always
juliet
-
Dark, and haunting. Your diction is eloquent, yet not overdone and stuffy sounding. An intrigueging take on death.
"Like a snake with clouded eyes, I wriggle within unmovable skin."
I love this metaphor. Very well done, and keep on writing. -
Wonderful piece! So beautifully written portraying such a dark tale. Thank you for the entry in my contest and good luck!
-
Even in death...things are seen as they really are, your last lines are brilliant, saying so much. The hollow stare is so clear in my mind, almost as if there might have been a hint of maybe...just maybe, but when faced with that stare it paints quite picture of all that never was and ever will be, nothing.
~E.
Adding your comment:
1 - 7 of 7
