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Connection

Two tin cans and a piece of string.
The distance of a one night fling.
Sweet nothings whispered in an ear,
With sighs of love so insincere.

Keep it tight, don’t let it swing,
Two tin cans and a piece of string,
But not so tight that it might break,
One step back is a big mistake.

The echoed words within the can,
Are where my feelings all began.
Two tin cans and a piece of string,
A bridge for loving hearts to cling.

It started with a simple flirt,
I never thought that I’d get hurt.
My love is gone he’s taken wing,
Two tin cans and a piece of string.

 

 

Author notes

Amera
Form: Quatern
Option: Losing someone.

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Comments

1 - 27 of 27

  • Aussie Gypsy gold member
    October 17, 2008

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    This is stunning, I had to go back and read it over twice more, you do this form beautifully and flawlessly. I felt the heartbreak in this piece from beginning to end. Well done


  • Age of Rain
    October 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    'Two tin cans and a piece of string.
    The distance of a one night fling'

    that is really clever and entirely original. The third stanza, to me, is exceedingly beautiful. This is quite the quatern altogether bringing that simple 'kid' image to a completely new level. I love it.


  • Pure Thought silver member
    October 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    *hug*s for your heart

    Rousing kudos for your poem.


  • Dalaney gold member
    October 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    yes. this is what it can be like.
    Love to you, Lane


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    October 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is amazing sis! The metaphor in this is powerful and I felt it more deeply than I can say.. for I am experiencing similar...

    The repeated line is brilliant... for to me it brings up thoughts of childhood innocence and love.. the things we use to do, and how often we give of ourselves as adults, as we did as children.. with an open heart.. only for it to be misused.

    Another bookmark for me!




  • PerVirtuous
    October 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A very clever and powerful metaphor. I like the line

    "A step back is a big mistake"

    as once the string no longer tight, it is just one tin can and a string. Such accessable lauguage communicating a very deep concept. Bravo.

    • Amera gold member
      October 12, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thank you for your comment and applause.


  • HaleyMary
    October 12, 2008

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    One of your best, Sis. :)

    Beautiful write, Sis. I really liked the last stanza. I think it speaks a lot of truth. So often in life two people can have an innocent little flirt and if one person has a crush on the other, it can be heartbreaking to go through. It can be hard for people to go separate ways sometimes. Thanks for sharing and best of luck in the contest.


  • Never Fall in Love
    October 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Nothing less than excellent.

    And although .. it's hard now. Eventually you'll wonder why you ever bothered. Move on, keep yourself busy and write it all out - if you want to take advice from an 18 year old.


    • Amera gold member
      October 12, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I'll take advice from this 18 Y/O


  • cricketjeff gold member
    October 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Mairi is right! This is terrific the poem skips along like a skipping game, the form is entirely transparent

    Great stuff.


  • Sue Cardwell gold member
    October 12, 2008

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    Feelings put beautifully into words...losing someone is never easy.

    All the best

    Love
    Sue


  • britheguy
    October 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really like how you have "Two tin cans and a piece of string" repeating at a diffrent line in each stanza. The analogy in the second stanza was done very well. I often look for words to describe it, but I am at a loss..


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    October 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Pitched exactly right for the subject. I'd say this is one of your best poems ever, Sis.

    • Amera gold member
      October 12, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks Sis I do seem to write better when I'm hurt don't I?


      • Mairi bheag gold member
        October 12, 2008
        Edit | Reply




        I don't know what it is, but you sometimes manage to craft a poem for us where the form, though there and faultless (it's always there and always faultless), isn't noticeable, because the poem is from your heart and you are writing out of your skin. I love seeing it happen.


  • charcoal
    October 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I simply love this it's making me go ooh and aah lol

    • Amera gold member
      October 12, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      That’s one of the nicest complements a poet can get. Thank you!

      • charcoal
        October 12, 2008

        Edit | Reply
        you earned it bookmarked for my reading pleasure so thank you.


  • Myjoy gold member
    October 11, 2008

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    It always happens it is love, and then it is lost.
    A very well put poem,
    if this is true I am sorry.
    Blessings and light.


  • Faeryn
    October 11, 2008

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    I agree with PassionsPromise, that does sound like a good idea! lol
    As always, amazing poem. Beyond that, I can't comment on much because it's perfect. But I can give you this:
    Love,
    Tay


  • PassionsPromise gold member
    October 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is perfection. How about I gather the string and form a rope and we hang em with it? SOunds nice to me. Oh well, i was hoping to make you laugh. Great job as always

    Love
    Passions

  • Just a poet gold member
    October 11, 2008

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    A gorgeous "playground rhyme" with a delightful skipping metre, fun and games in perfect verse, absolutely wonderful


  • Ignis Corpus
    October 11, 2008

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    Awww, This is sad, but yet so sweet. Makes me think of when I was younger and more naieve. It's hard to loose someone. I like though how you repeated, "Two tin cans and a line of string" I like it. Though I noticed you capitalized every line. Not nesscary in all spots. I wish you the best of luck with this cute little poem,
    Converse Queen


    • Amera gold member
      October 11, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you, had I not used a Quatern I wouldn’t have capitalized every line. If this was a university competition the capitalization would be required.

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