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And so she wrote.

Missing image

Whisper me a word
that speaks of truth,
that sings solace
to a troubled soul.

 

 

Hold gently the soft
undertones...
the honest statements
of love's sentiments.

 

 

I'll whisper back
of lifes turmoil
of hidden dangers
behind closed smiles.

 

 

A subtle change,
a furtive glance,
a nervous hand...
a wayward dance.

 

 

Of sheltered thoughts
held close and true,
a silent lovers
distant view.

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Artwork by Monet.

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Comments

1 - 21 of 21

  • StormyDawn
    February 13

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    Very beautiful. I like the third and last stanza the most. Overall, it's just a wonderful poems. Great write.

  • jadeangyal
    January 28

    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for sharing this beautiful artwork--I had never seen it before. Your poem is at the same time melancholy and mysterious. Secret lovers, correct? Thanks for sharing.


  • I-Am-Custard
    January 18

    Edit | Reply
    Typos first: It's just a grammar thing but line 8 should be 'love's'.

    This is very pretty with its wording but I can't quite see its meaning. I don't feel any sense of a concept explored or a point made by the end, just a group of half ideas put together. I'm not sure how to fix it, perhaps make the contents of the poem a tad more concrete? I'm not sure, and obviously you get the last word, but I find poetry is always best when rooted in real solid experiences.

    The fourth stanza feels off to me, with the word 'glance' being used twice. The poem isn't rhyming except for those last 2 stanzas, and it feels wrong to rhyme a word with itself unless you're making a point of it. Perhaps line twenty would be better as 'A half taken chance'? Something similar anyway.

    That half rhyme near the end makes me almost wish the entire poem were rhyming, since you've already split it into the regular 4 line stanzas anyway. This is unusual for me as 9/10 times I prefer freeverse. Still, there's a first time for everything.

    I hope this helps, obviously, up to you if you take any of my advice


    • cutiepie gold member
      January 28
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for your constructive critique. I have taken onboard your commets regarding solid experiences and have also revised the errors noted. Much of my poetry is written with rather a vague concept drifting through the lines as my mind often works this way Perhaps I enjoy leaving something to the imagination Many thanks once again and please feel free to visit anytime


  • GotLilt
    January 15

    Edit | Reply
    Overall I liked it. I agree about the breaks. It would be lovely with the wording if it flowed a bit more.

  • JM Kenyon silver member
    January 4

    Edit | Reply
    I don't often try to realign a poet's work but there is something about these short lines that makes this lovely write move far too fast and the mind linger too often on breaks. Perhaps merging some of the key lines in this write would allow more appriciation for the fluidity and wonderful wording.

    s and best wihses always... ~genie~





    • cutiepie gold member
      January 8

      Edit | Reply
      Thank you Genie for your kindness. Yes, I do see the halting of this poem....I will try to give it first aid


  • Onomarith
    December 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    love the last four lines

    cheers!!!!!!!!!!!

    but i will use these lines for my own poem, may i?
    i will let you read the poem also.......


  • punkbliss
    December 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i really like your poem the two lines i like is a silent lovers distance view


  • Midori-Ayana
    December 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Amazing writing.
    The rhyme and flow are sutile and delicate.

    The first two verses just blew me away... "Whisper me a word, that speaks of truth"... Is there such a word? Does it exist? Or is it something that the lover creates in an instant, to appease the counterpart's need?


  • JustFallingApart
    December 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I realy enjoyed reading this. I loved all of it. The picture, the typing, the flow of the poem, great. Hope all is well


    • cutiepie gold member
      December 2, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you I am delighted that you enjoyed it. All is very well


  • OnceUponAMind
    November 17, 2008

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    This is so beauful, heartfelt - I connected strongly from the very beginning! Nice job! And an amazing Money choice might I add

    I don't really have a favorite part, for the whole piece fits and flows very well... But the beginning was so strong for me..
    "Whisper me a word
    that speaks of truth,
    that sings solace,
    to a troubled soul~


    Hold gently the soft
    undertones,"

    AMAZING

    ~AmBeR~


    • cutiepie gold member
      November 18, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      You are very kind Amber, thank you . Delighted that you enjoyed it


  • loudlady
    November 17, 2008

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    omg

    omg this is a great poem this fabulous sounds like something i would write keep up the great work


  • Super-man
    October 13, 2008
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    You have a gift.

    great piece of work


  • Odio
    October 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful. Absolutely heartwarming and well written.


    • cutiepie gold member
      October 12, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you I am delighted that you enjoyed it

1 - 21 of 21