In the moment I relax
I feel yet incomplete
Such as the second that you left
I lost a part of me
I tremble at the thought
Of being next to you
A shiver takes a hold
Thoughts beg to become true
Your eyes lift me high
I grow beneath your gaze
The wonder of this love
Leaves me weak inside for days
I can't escape.
Author notes
Oh noes!
jessifer1792
OPTION #1- best gold.
A contest entry
- Quickie Quote Inspired by butterflywriter.
700 points, ended October 12, 2008, 4 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - How do you feel? by Blasphemous Girl.
900 points, ended April 12, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Let Me Prompt You. :D by XxLoverOfDarknessxX.
1500 points, ended June 12, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites again :] 3 chances to win :] by Ami.
575 points, ended September 6, 62 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites :) Yes, as many as you like, but hell this wont be simple. by xxRainbowDawnxx.
700 points, ended November 3, 1093 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - Trophy PW by Rhythm Child.
400 points, ended October 22, 53 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites Only -- With a Twist! by Heroesrox.
400 points, ends December 1, 96 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
What do you think?
Comments
1 - 32 of 32
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Fantastic write, poet!
Thank you so very much for entering my contest.
I wish you the very best of luck here!
Keep penning awesome things like this one! -
aww i juust love this! its absolutly wonderful! thank you so much for entering my contest and best of luck!
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"oh noes"
That sounded so childish, the seriousness tone of your poem melted in my giggles!
Hahaha.
Thank you for entering! -
I like the way you set this poem up in the three stanzas with different emotions, then ended with that last line; it made the last thought stand out that much more. I think maybe you should give it a more deserving title though, this poem is great but you would never guess it by the title.
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Great poem. I got a lot of feelings out of this and it's so relateable.
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Wow this is my favorite one I've read by you...
I can really relate here.. love... awesome isn't it...
Great write
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"Your eyes lift me high
I grow beneath your gaze
The wonder of this love
Leaves me weak inside for days
I can't escape.
Love it! I love the sensory. You have me hanging on your every word. I can feel what has been written as if this were happening to me, and I like that. Keep penning!
Safely hidden in the darkness,
~ The Rocker Who Lost All
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i like this. very succinct and to the point, each word is weighted with meaning. i especially like the last line, i love it when the purpose of the poem can be concentrated like that it makes it so much more powerful.
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I love this poem short and sweet. I can totally relate to this.
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This is an awesome poem. I know how this feels in a way. But after awhile you don't miss the person anymore and see that they were just not right for you. I enjoyed the read!!!
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...been there
It's not a fun place to be in. I like this a lot
Keep writin'
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OMGosh. it was WONDEFUL and it's a no brainer why this poem won a gold trophy
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ichigosama
this poem is awesome!!!! i love the part "the wonder of this love leaves me weak inside for days". great job!!!!
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good
i loved it
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Oh nice finish. I like it. It's impressive to see young poets such as I writing. I'm glad there are so many of us younger poets that don't just write ignorant stuff. I can relate to a few of the lines in this poem.
-I feel yet incomplete
Such as the second that you left
I lost a part of me
Heart wrenching. Too true for me. Good job.
-The wonder of this love
Leaves me weak inside for days
I like how you said 'leaves me weak inside for days'. That's epic :] I like that. Good job.
Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest :]
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Wonderful poem. I liked the flow of the poem until the last line. But the rest of the poem is so good it does not really matter. I felt the emotion throughout this poem. It was amazing. You made love so poetic. Thank you for this great entry. Your a finalist!
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amazing!! i loved this! it was so sweet; i loved every line and stanza; each one more powerful than the next. this was an emotional poem full of such emotion it struck me speechless, which is a hard thing to do. keep up the good work! thanks for entering and good luck in my contest!
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This is a wonderful poem about being in love! I can really relate to this and have felt this way many times! My favorite lines are:
A shiver takes a hold
Thoughts beg to become true
It is a great way of showing how strong anticipation can be! Great job!!! -
YUM!
here comes that sinking feeling again...falling...falling...falling...in love all over again!! great poem...you capture the essence of what it feels like to fall in love all over again.
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Nicely written poem I really enjoyed it a great deal. It was a wonderful write. I love how you did it and I know the feeling well. Thank you for sharing.
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The poem is good however I have to agree with Blasphemous Girl that the rhyme is a little bit shaky. Thank you for entering and good luck to you.
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The words flow really well and the ryhming does not sound forced. Brilliant piece x
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This is very easy to read indeed. The fluency of the rhyme and the lines from one to the next are perfectly smooth.
I can completely see why you won the gold (and there should be more, in my opinion.)
Well done, thanks for sharing.
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INCREDIBLE
nicely portrays your individuality, yet simultaneously relatable quality to anyone who has ever felt that void of love departed.
your simple bold eloquence transports me immediately to that place... to the mighty affects of system-shocking blissful precious consuming love.
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i love this.
totally been there do tht
nicely put
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You ain't the only one. nice job.
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this was a nice poem for a quickie. It describes the situation of a person enraptured by another beings aura quite well in a few lines. Good job
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lovely write. short and sweet and to the point. thanks for entering!
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Thanks for this entery.
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Your eyes lift me high
I grow beneath your gaze
The wonder of this love
Leaves me weak inside for days
this is such a great poem and in such few words gives sooo much emotion
congrats on gold :] -
WOW!
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why thanks =]
I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for the encouraging comment.
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