When does one neglect, ones own intelligence
I detect some mediocre brilliance
Show me the passion to look for ones dream
Reveal to me your fashion and what it means
Inspired are you by many colors
Raised by few and educated by Boers
Mixing those experiences on a canvas bare
Delicate like a swan, who's quite fare
You create an emblem' of absolute peace
You give them a grand feast
Though it may wither' over a long period
The meaning is bigger than a ballad
It is in-fact infinite' to all who know
It's like a summit after a big snow
Hushed like a little child
Humble as a tyke in life exiled
You wish to be far away from home
Instead you see your life resown
Acrid' is the street you now walk
Corrosive' concrete as is the next block
Known by so few people today
It often makes you feel so cliche
Rain leaks out from your heart
Life seeks to fade apart
As poor as you now may be
Fame galore you'll not see
Until you've had your last breath
Not many sad at your death.
Author notes
'sell my soul, buy some love'-----UC
#1-' in poem above
#2-[the picture used as the "heading" for this contest] *
http://tn3-1.deviantart.com/fs37/300W/i/2008/254/3/3/Scarred_Path_by_Icedragonofthefuture.jpg *
http://tn3-2.deviantart.com/fs36/300W/i/2008/254/f/2/dreamers_by_deptha.jpg *
http://tn3-2.deviantart.com/fs36/300W/i/2008/254/4/4/_Esperoquepase__by_Elein.jpg *
#3-"Pass by, I wouldn't have known you" *
"We won't say a word, though we stole them" *
"Like a blank canvas with too much paint" *
"This is where the sidewalk cracks,
rain leaks in" *
#4-Title
#5-desire, dapple, foresee
- Psychology club group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Ultimate Challenge; Options Plentiful Otherwise by Kia Tenshi.
1700 points, ended October 15, 2008, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Did I meet the UC?
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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For a dual-line rhyme, this has potential. You have a consistent, exact-rhyme throughout it, then in L11 and L12 you throw a slant rhyme. In L21 -'poeple' is misspelled. It should be 'people'. However, on the plus-side,
your usage of spacing in the place of punctuation, actually works really well and to your favor. You wrote very well to your chosen prompts, and combined them nicely to fit your theme. Overall, not bad.
~Hettie
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Hey sis!
this is a very good poem, and I really love it I hope you can make this into a song. I love you agian Bye!
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wow first off I must tell you that I dont often see two lines at a time...this is good shows your rhyme scheme really well and I love your wording i.e. using one instead of them, he and she
Poetic vocab always draws me in well
it's sad when people are not sad at someones death....I think any death is very sad no matter who they are..
definitly well worth your Gold Shiny!!! welldone xx
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Very good write. Nice rhyme and flow.
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Until you've had your last breath
Not many sad at your death.
you have got the gold, thts amazing
it was worth reading
liked the way you shared words and expresssed thoughts
by
the poet of hearts and beautiful words
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Very well done. YOu did a great job. Thanks!
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Some harsh images to deal with, this is a great write. Thank you so much for entering the contest, good luck.
♥
whisper
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wow. You did an awesome job rhyming in your poem, I really liked reading it :] Keep up the awesome work, and keep on writing!
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Very nice! Perfect usage of the options and an excelent rhyme scheme...
I love it.
^w^ -
Beautifully penned in rhyming couplets; you brought intelligence and wisdom into poetic form to not only complement the art but to instill insight and a moral. Bravo!
Love,
Amera♥
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Feels like an ode to the artist who became famous after death. Songs that shudder into the heart that it is better to feed the sould than die a beggar at the door steps of heaven.
Love, Tom B.
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amazing
Great piece I really liked the form and the lines "Acrid' is the street you now walk
Corrosive' concrete as is the next block"
Good job, very enjoyalbe to read=) keep it up
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