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science

one.
seventeen days later you told me i wasted my time. i stopped eating, my skin
became transparent.
 
i wanted you to see how Broken I really was.

five.
Porcelain, Illumination.

i read myself bedtime stories, i forgot to blink, i forgot,

six? seven?
(i missed You) even before you told me you were leaving.
         
                  you; were; always; leaving

eight.
my hands smelled like Mildew. i smeared you on my eyelids and across my cheeks.
you were sticky, you tasted like pennies.

three.
...my hair was brown then, my body shook, i wasn't scared.

tweleve (plus five).
                                i Waited.

eighteen,nineteen...

Author notes

save me.
Bestkeptsecrt.

A contest entry

I don't belive that anybody feels the way I do about you, now.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Aesthete
    December 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    that was beautiful and sad, just like you kiddo.
    you've got a passion in you that nobody understands, that nobody has..
    almost nobody.

    i broke up with a girl once and didnt eat or sleep for five days..

    I think you captured this all well.. the rotting..


  • broken-colours
    November 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "eight.
    my hands smelled like Mildew. i smeared you on my eyelids and across my cheeks.
    you were sticky, you tasted like pennies." <-- favourite stanza.

    Your style is brilliant. Understandable, relatable, full of vivid imagery, and unusual. The perfect mix.

    Congrats on the HM in the contest.


  • hks
    November 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow.

    can i give a million applauses plz.....


  • divebar
    October 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    twelve*

    im not sure about the number three jumping out of sequence, but it was honest and direct. the imagery was a little iffy, but i may just not have been able to pick up on what it was trying to accomplish.

    ill most certainly be coming back to see what else you have to offer.


  • etoile
    October 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this was so unique! I loved it.
    the way this was written was amazing.
    the imagery was beautiful.
    and this might be me being stupid..but I was wondering what the numbers are?
    also would you be able to capitilize your I's.. just a personal preference of mine.

    thanks for entering and goodluck

1 - 5 of 5