Have you ever roamed the streets in silence?
Not knowing where your heading, only darkness with no guidance.
Her heels echoing through the night, on the pavement of an unknown street.
Her only company was the dark, unpredictable and discreet.
She made the wrong choice and lives through regrets
The closest people to her were her family, her biological threat.
Purity tainted at the age of thirteen
Accompanied by shame and some one to blame, for what can't be redeemed.
Haven't you ever noticed her as you pass by everyday?
Or have you chosen to overlook such a crucified soul, since she's worthless anyway?
She had dreams too one day,
Of a man who would protect her, love her and take her away.
Dreams became her living dread.
Of a vow unfulfilled, countless scars too many tears shed.
Vengeance feeding on her dying youth
A flower once blossoming, slowly decaying given no second chance no truce.
The only thing left sacred were her childlike tears
The only ease she could get was its warmth against her skin, drowning her fears.
She smothers her tears, checks her make-up, plants a smile on her face
She's gone in the wind with the next passing stranger, her existence left no trace.
Author notes
She surrendered to prostitution because she was alone, afraid and raped at the age of innocence; when she was only 13.
It’s an unfortunate realistic dilemma that needs to be recognized as a violation of human integrity , humanity and rights.
I wish people would notice those helpless souls and instead of judging, offer a helping hand.
A contest entry
- Points giveaway... by kiwigirljacks.
1800 points, ended October 14, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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A very beautiful write! I loved it. There's a law that states that something is great the first time you see or taste it, and the second time it's okay, but the third time it's boring and not very good. I get that with many poems, but not with yours. <3
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no greater evil than the theft of innocence
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Pray for the innocent
Torn from youth, used and shed like the skins of the vipers who use them.
Again, wonderfully presented
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This is so amazing, it brought me close to tears. The image of the once lovely delicate flower, now still delicate, but harmed and decaying is so potent, as well as that of her own tears, all she really has left. I really didn't notice any incongruencies, this is brilliant, and such a vital topic!
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Outstanding
This is a very moving poem. You have drawn her life with a lot of sensitivity and compassion but the stark reality does not get any easier. This poem has great flow and reaches out to all those who are vulnerable in the world. Best of luck in the contest.
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Hello. I’m with Critical Reviewers Two and I am here to help you revise your poem.
Spelling (or grammar) first. In 2 places, you have combined ‘she’ and ‘is’ without putting in your apostrophe. “she’s” If you will edit little things like that, you will have a better chance of winning and being understood.
Since some of your lines are so much longer than others, you might want to break your lines in logical places and let the rhymes seem accidental.
Example:
“Have you ever roamed the streets in silence?
Not knowing where your heading, only darkness with no guidance.”
Have you ever
roamed the streets in silence,
not knowing
where you are headed
with only darkness
and no guidance?”
You need a way to transition from those first two lines to the rest of the poem. Something like, “Think of Mary.”
At that point you stop asking the reader, “Have you ever?” and begin to tell them about Mary.
Your tenses need tightening in the second set of lines. Either all present or all past.
I hope you can see what I mean and take it from there. Send me a message if you need anything else. Please remember that my opinions are MY opinions and you are in no way bound by either my opinions or any suggestion I make. Hope I helped.
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Thanx for your feedback.. alot to learn from! =)
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Very nice...truly inspiring. Great write!! Cheers!
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Quite honestly, I agree. Human traffic is alive and breathing. I have to say, poems like these; ones that are sad and gloomy touch my heart in one way or another. Truly impressive.
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Whoa...
wow... I just absolutely loved this poem. One after my own heart.
It nails right on the head, one of the major societal problems of today while being completely direct but not overwhelming.
I read all of your poetry and consider your poems a serious inspiration and you a mentor.
Thanks for the great read!
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You leave me flattered, honored and humbled.
You inspired me in so many ways Finaldraft, thank you for the on going passionate experience that truly educated me in many aspects, both poetically and emotionally.
I yearn to read and learn so much more from you, you young talented prodigy
May god bless.
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Such a sad tale you have penned and one that is all too common! We should not turn a blind eye or judge.. instead we need to understand and help. Great write.
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