&when the world comes --->crashing<--- d
o
w
n
will you be there to hold my hand?
or will i have to relearn to hold my own?
will the world stop to make a sound
or will it be filled with _silence_?
will i have time for one last cigerette
or will i forget the taste?
will i forget how you tasted on my lips
the feeling of your body |pressed| against mine.
then again you forgot all about mine
and the world hasn't ended quite yet, has it?
[maybe i just missed it]
.blink blink.
paper clips and notebook pages dont mean a thing
not without you here with me
i was only able to breath to breath you in
oxygen just doesnt seem to smell the same without your scent
peace and love turned into tragedy and war within seconds
matter melted down into liquid and goo
baby what the fuck happened to us?
please dont blame this on me
im already all black and blue.
&believe me, i really am fa-fa-fa-fa-falling a p a r t
&the tequila stars are falling tonight
i'm getting drunker by the second
the world is p n g r u d
s i i n a o n
i can't see straight and i can't see down
when i close my eyes all i can see is the past
everything seemed so perfect and peaceful
fabrications and facades make life so damn wonderful
i dont know what i want, i dont know what i need
ever since you left im nothing but a hot mess
im tangled up in inside myself
a dangerous place to be
im losing my mind, St Peter rejected me,
too many sins, too much fun, too many mistakes
this day was bound to fucking come.
spin, spin, spin in circles,
life is just a waste
friends are fiends they are after everything you have
they'll suck away your life
they'll take away everything.
cocaine and heroin all those pills
they'll solve everything bbydoll
put on those pretty heels.
[alice oh alice go down that hole, grow a foot taller, take that pill. alice oh alice, don't you know that cheshire cat sells the truth and only the truth. off with your head oh off with your pretty little head. this will be best for you in the end]
A contest entry
- Lots Of Options by stargazer..
525 points, ended December 27, 2008, 33 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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A very intense piece. Well done!
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This was really good and really creative. I love the style, and the format that you wrote spinning around. All and all, it was fantastic. =]
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great poem...keep writing ur awesome!!
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I like the style of the poem - starting with & and then --->crashing<---'down'. The like the following two lines - will you be there to hold my hand, or will I have to relearn to hold my own?? It's quite funny in a way to holding your own hand, though.
The world stopping to make a sound or being filled with silence are the same in their meaning but are two different ways to put them - sounds good!
Good job! Those lines of last cigarette, ... body |pressed| (|good style|) against 'yours' - then again... O but the world hasn't ended quite yet. -> it certainly hasn't.
Oxygen not seeming to smell the same without her scent---what idea!! And falling a p a r t ? ? ! !
----- o what a .way. to |w r i t e| ----- -
there are some very beautiful lines in this piece. Cigerette is "cigarette". a few spelling errors here and there, but that doesnt take away from the intensity of your words. The methods you used to allow certain words to drop and shake and whatnot really added character and even more intensity. I can relate to this piece....well, more than I'd like to admit.
Bravo
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im nothing but a hot mess. I like that line.
this was really moving and I really connected with a lot of your words. very powerful and romantic stuff
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This poem is perfect ♥
I loved the lines
"oxygen just doesnt seem to smell the same without your scent"
and
"&believe me, i really am fa-fa-fa-fa-falling a p a r t
&the tequila stars are falling tonight
i'm getting drunker by the second"
Best of luck in the contest.
♥
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I love the Alice factor and how it all flows together. I love your work. Nice job.
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This is fantastic!
Wow...
Alice in Wonderland being like one of my all time favorite books makes this a billion times more amazing.
Great work.
I love it.
LOVE it.
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god bby, I was like completely lost in this when I was reading it because I'm completely mindfucked at the moment and yet it makes perfect sense to me. I'm living this bby. This is basically my life it seems. I'm feeling all sorts of fucked up bby. I'm like wide awake but asleep in a dream.
god you're fucking brilliant
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