When you took a few steps back
And walked out of the door
I could only hear your faint footsteps
That diffused into nothingness
I could only see your silhouette
That slowly faded together with our memories
Leaving your final sigh to float along
The river of tears I shed
~
When you let my hand fall
It felt like the world stopped revolving
And the pouring rain suddenly froze
Each droplet suspended in midair
I couldn’t feel the crisp air
Brush back strands of hair covering my eyes
I couldn’t feel my feet on the ground
I couldn’t feel the tears trickle down my cheeks
~
You, walking out of my life
Has left me numb
A contest entry
- It's Poetry Time! =) Musical Inspiration For You! by KyleBerg.
1225 points, ended October 22, 2008, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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This was incredibly well done, eloquently expressed and beautifully put together. A fine job all around.
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I know this story and know it well. You have expressed the emotions spectacularly. I adore it and probably even more so because i can relate to it so well. I love the way that you describe all the feeling and emotions of that moment so well.
Great job!
thanks for entering,
Nikki -
Wow so true and faithful good job
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Very real, and RAW! I loved every word of it!
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I especially love the end, with walking out of life and all. :] Thank you for the comment.
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very nice description and flow "Leaving your final sigh to float along the tears I shead" very nice line I also like "I couldnt feel my feet on the ground i couldnt feel th tears trickle down my cheeks, you walking out of my life has left me numb very nice ending nice work i like this i feel the emotion and it kept my attentio
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that was good i feel tha same way sometimes =]
keep on writing
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Great
I think poem is awesome- Its just real-talk, Your description is intense,, youre a great poet--Mugga
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Great
I can almost feel what you're going through. I've felt like that before. It hurts, but you'll get through it.
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wow
this is so good. so much emotion in it. seriously
greatt write.
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wow -well, though terribly sad, this was an enjoyable read, I loved your descriptions and metaphors. Very nice, deep one
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Awh, this was so sad. There were a few parts I really loved: "Leaving your final sigh to float along the river of tears I shed", and the last stanza were my favourite. Great job on this one. Goodluck in the contest.
Tal.
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"Leaving your final sigh to float along
The river of tears I shed"
so beautiful hon
best of luck in the contest
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Wow, this is excellent! Lovely work.
"And the pouring rain suddenly froze
Each droplet suspended in midair"
-- that's my favourite part, it's fantastic how you kind of took the quote and reversed it as if there was NO gravity.. and the image this stanza created was very powerful and beautiful.
And then the last part is when you feel nothing at all... very well done -- the description of the things you can't feel is superb.
Thank you very much for this entry, it was a pleasure to read.. best of luck
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This piece is really nicely done. Emotional and descriptive. How are things?
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really good poem, btw did something happen to you recently are you ok?? or is this just fiction, it feels real emotive though...
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