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& with limes & oranges in place, let us work out where to go from here

collisions of thunder &
lightening are so beautiful

& oranges are stuck to the table
in an almost fruit bowl shape,
but they don't quite connect--

irrelevant pieces of information
to remove thoughts of the truth;
bodies entwined with no breath,
fumbling hands & the fullest of lips.

la, la, la & the music plays loud

but the mind does torture much
louder, guilt mixes with sickness
& rain falls over london tonight--

but it's just another day

another day, to exchange half
hearted exchanges with claims
of heart shaped "love you's",
they mould into the right places

but never quite fit.

& there's limes in the fridge,
& sugar in the coffee pot--
& whilst the acid in my stomach
curdles more horrifically than ever before--

I still wonder when your hand will fit with mine.

Author notes

kiss the girl--x

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • Cup-a-Joe
    December 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    From title to last line-perfect.
    Joe


  • Haley-baby1
    November 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is excellent! one of your best


  • innocence jaded.xx
    November 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    -irrelevant pieces of information
    to remove thoughts of the truth;
    bodies entwined with no breath,
    fumbling hands & the fullest of lips.
    ...

    This is why you're on my favorites I love everything about your writing. The format, the wording, the metaphors, the imagery, and especially the emotion. Your talent really shines through this piece. Gahhh, I love it & that stanza was brilliant and amazing and left me speechless.♥


  • JustsimplyKatiee.
    November 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Okai yew know how people leave really long Comments? I mean it's just like so not nessary. Cause it'll go on forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and everand ever and ever and everrrrrrrr. I mean who wants to sit there and read someone's Comment that is pointless? Not me of course. I mean how hard is to put the truth in a simple senteces or two? Honestly... Haha.
    x[[♥]]x

  • snow-angel
    October 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh dear, I made a typo!

    'your book'

    There we go. ♥

    Loves. ♥♥♥

  • snow-angel
    October 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Loni Loni, I loveee this poem! ♥

    Yes, your new nickname is Loni Loni. xD ♥

    'la, la, la & the music plays loud
    but the mind does torture much
    louder, guilt mixes with sickness
    & rain falls over london tonight--'

    I can relate to every word written. ♥

    '& there's limes in the fridge,
    & sugar in the coffee pot--
    & whilst the acid in my stomach
    curdles more horrifically than ever before--

    I still wonder when your hand will fit with mine.'

    Positively adore the last line. ♥

    You really do need your work published, I`d so totally buy you book! ♥

    &&cherish every word. ♥

    Loves&kisses. ♥

    x♥x♥


  • etoile
    October 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    intwined --> entwined

    this was great. I loved it. you write really well!!
    the last line really hit hard and I loved this entire piece.

    collisions of thunder &
    lightening are so beautiful

    & oranges are stuck to the table
    in an almost fruit bowl shape,
    but they don't quite connect--
    ---
    that was amazing. my favourite part of your poem. the imagery is beautiful.

    thanks for entering and goodluck


  • whiterabbit.
    October 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    aw, I really love this. You need to get your writing published someday. I would love to have a book of it, though you'd have to give me a free copy cause I CHOSE YOU! lol I love the imagery in this. It's just stunning and you always word everything so perfectly.
    ly♥

1 - 9 of 9