Where am I walking?
With my bag so heavy
Where does this road lead?
So dark and un-trusted
Why am I walking
On this black path
With eyes watching
My every move
How did I get here?
On this road
So alone
Who can help me?
I feel lost
Yet the path
So black and engulfing
Is straight
I pass phantoms and ghosts
They're all dead
But yet
Still walking on this road
Once you're on it
You can never leave
I know where this road is taking me.
It takes me to my end
Author notes
Option 2 - I hope its any good
A contest entry
- October New Member's Contest by AP Greeters.
600 points, ended November 6, 2008, 57 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Hi,
I would just like to wish you the best of luck
in the contest
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Welcome to AllPoetry!
Your poem is perfectly named. You have probably actually seen that road there in South Africa. I have one suggestion about the re-wording of stanza 5. “But yet” is redundant. You might say something like:
I pass phantoms and ghosts.
Though they are all dead
they still walk by my side
on this shared road to …where?
Did you leave out the question marks in the 2nd stanza
This is so sad.
It is a good representation of the thoughts 
one would have if they did indeed, 
walk this dark road.
Best of luck in the contest.
-
Welcom e to AllPoetry
You poem sounds so final at the end. I don't know ab out never getting off the road. People often tarry away from the road. People follow other paths off the main road. Good luck to you in the contest. -
Welcome to Allpoetry
This is very somber, a hard-hitting poem that I thoroughly enjoyed. My favourite part was the second-last stanza, the one about phantoms; that's one of my favourite words
My only suggestion to you would be to cut down on the filler-words. They only take away from your poem's full potential; you want to give your reader a punch in the face, not just a slap
In all, a good effort... Well done, and welcome aboard!
Laura, aka Immortal
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Welcome to Allpoetry
This is a great story painted for your chosen prompt, right in time for Halloween. I love it, good job.
♥
whisper
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Welcome to AllPoetry!
You know, they say when one door closes, another opens; and that end might just be the opening of the new door. THis was well written and thought it, even with it's dark cutting edge.
Welcome to AP and good luck in the contest.
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Welcome to allpoetry
And the end might promise a new begining.. Well written.. it is just the confidence factor missing here.. else, the poem is nice.. plain and innocent. Good work, thanks for the entry.
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welcome to allpoetry
I believe there are many who would be able to relate to the feeling expressed in this poem. It is always interesting to see how and where a person will take a picture when used for inspiration. I think you did well with this.
It has a reminiscent feel to it for me.
Thank you for entering the contest and sharing your words.
best of luck.
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Welcome to Allpoetry
Hello Alexander,
I feel like you have a good base idea here, however, I feel if you revised a little and made the lines more involved would greatly improve this poem.
I think everyone can relate to walking a dark road an being afraid where it leads. Some people are not strong or brave enough to keep going even when the end is uncertain, it is those who keep going, who have faith to receive the greatest reward.
Good luck in the contest,
Criss -
Welcome To Allpoetry
Hi Alexander Kane
I very much like dark and mysterious poems so i think you've done well taking this choice to write a poem about how you see this picture.
Great work and goodluck in the contest
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Welcome to Allpoetry
Wow! A nice dark twist on the prompt. I had so many images as I was reading through this. (people on the streets, no where to go). You have done a great job with the prompt. Best of luck in the contest.♥
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Welcome to All Poetry
I really like your take on this picture! This is great! I think many of us can relate to this one. We all seem to have a road like that, that just seems to be right there in our way. One that goes on and on. Great job on this one!
Best of luck in this contest!
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Welcome to Allpoetry!
I really like the take on the picture - the dark urgency of the poem dissipates at the end with the realisation of what is happening - you have crafted that very well the questioning is an interesting way of creating confusion too - I enjoyed the read I wish you the best of luck in the contest!
Keep writing
Polly
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welcome to all poetry
Hi Alexander Kane
This is a good take on this picture well done thank you for entering and good luck in the contest
Barbara
site greeter
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I pass phantoms and ghosts
I really enjoyed this, the difficulty to follow even an arrow straight path. Well done, : ) good luck in the contest
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