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Awaiting Death

How could this have happened
I want so bad, to live
Now I’m slipping into darkness
Giving all that I could give

My eyes have lost their shine
And my skin is turning cold
I no longer feel your touch
With the emotions that I hold

Why is this happening to me
Why am I hearing death’s song
Was my life planned out for me
Was I never meant to live long

My heart keeps beating faster
For it knows it’s about to stop
Will my chest rise again
Or will I die here on the spot

My eyes begin to close
As my loved ones begin to scream
But I no longer hear the sound
As I fall into my last dream

The pain is getting worse
As my tears begin to fall
Soon I see him standing
As he starts to make his call

As I wait for him to reach me
I stand as my name’s called
I follow him in silent steps
As those behind me bawled

I didn’t want this to happen
But I can’t change what is what
I silently moved my body forward
As the gates behind me shut

Against my will I stood
And took my final breath
Then forever laid within the arms
Of the one we know as Death
~Kay~

Author notes

Apathetic Deviant
I normally go by Apathetic as a nick name or Apaie...don't ask my friends gave it to me
3

A contest entry

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    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 18 of 18

  • Kiss the girl--x
    March 6

    Edit | Reply
    the rhyme in this worked realllly well

    and apaie is cute

    i really like this, it's emotional and makes you think

    ♥


  • SunDew
    January 12

    Edit | Reply

    apathetic

    This is a well written piece indeed! You put the reader in that position - it's like I was feeling this, not like it was just a poem. I have no suggestions. I think it's perfect.

    Thanks for entering & good luck!

    ~Bright


  • WednesdayJade
    January 5

    Edit | Reply
    Really great and well written poem, I love it, especially the last 4 lines.
    The rhyme flows really well and I love how you've made death a character in your poem.
    Really interesting... and obviously a sad piece but yeh... brilliant
    x x x


  • xxvampyregirlxx
    December 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for the entry. This is an amazing poem. Sad but amazing!


  • Dark Otter
    November 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Hi!

    What is the option#?


  • knitonepearlone
    November 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for entering this in the contest. Great rhyme scheme ans story but nit quite the imagery I'm looking for.

  • ElectricBloom
    November 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Beautifully morbid,
    i'm not normally a fan of darker writes, but this is amazing!
    I love the lines :

    Will my chest rise again
    Or will I die here on the spot

    such beautiful imagery they hold.
    the rhyming in this is excellent, really helps the flow and doesn't appear at all forced.

    Thank you, I really enjoyed reading this poem.

    ElectricBloom


  • FreeTara
    November 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    So powerful, full of emotion and a grasping need to hold on while at the same time letting go, suffocating silence, silloquetted by the shine as the death is of the mind.

    I really did like this piece well written indeed.


  • Rhythm Child
    November 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    My eyes have lost their shine
    And my skin is turning cold
    I no longer feel your touch
    With the emotions that I hold
    <<< i loved these lines they were so....graphic and disturbing but very truthful in a strange way, great poem, very emotional


  • Wulf-Eyez De Winter gold member
    November 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for entering...i like this one very very much


  • chilali
    October 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A very powerful and great write. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck! Oh! You forgot to mention "The itsy bitsy spider climbed up the water spout" in your AN If you've read the entire contest page, you'll know why it has to be there. Thank you once again for your entry!


  • IndigoSky
    October 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is really powerful. Really, really nice poem. I hope you win :-


  • DramaQueen469 gold member
    October 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I love it.

    Powerful, and beautiful, and just... awesome.

    Well done, and good luck


  • ProudMomma
    October 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Great write hon really liked it sad but very beatufil


  • Shikamaru-Nara
    October 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Wonderful

    I must say, this had me hooked since line one. This is excellent writing, to say the least. I wholeheartedly think that this should be, in the least, though about being a finalist. I'll be talking with the host!

    ^^


  • Janice M Pickett
    October 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Well Done

    Good poem. This is your work, don't change a thing as it is great as it is.


  • narcissist
    October 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    a nice, dark take on the act of dying. i really enjoyed this, and your rhyming didn't seem forced and awkward, as you so often find. very well written, good luck in your contest : )


  • SchizoChic
    October 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    "Was I never met to live long?"

    Do you mean "meant"??

    This really flows well overall. There are a couple of rough spots, but I really like this a lot. You can revise until judging, if you like, and I'll reread all poems before final judging.

    Best of luck to you in the contest.

1 - 18 of 18