It came October late, so long ago,
I was just a boy, told “it’s but a mist.”
A child’s eyes saw the bracelet on her wrist,
Moved with the wind, wherever it might blow.
I’d watched it come from off the great plateau,
A lovely lady she would turn and twist,
One evening my bare head she touched and kissed,
And who, or what she was I did not know.
Then one day she spun, became a cloud
That stood stock still within the amber sky,
Below the barn and nearby field just plowed,
I watched her tears like rain fall on the rye,
I never saw her past that Autumn day,
When gentle breezes blew her cloud away.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Shelley?
No. Well, sort of, I guess. I love his poem about the little cloud. One of my all time favorites, so its no surprise this will be going in a list to
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Absolutely captivating Mike.
jin
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This is so sweet and beautiful!! You did a very lovely job with this piece!! I love it!!
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One of my favourites from you! This was really outstanding. Simply stunning, beautiful, magical and enchanting. I loved this one...I could read it again and again!
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A splendid poem filled with the cleverest enchantment... gave me chills, for I do like magical writes so much. 
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Superb plus
Ah, 'tis a fine write, indeed, with which I can relate because, although some may laugh, (that's ok), I have seen ghosts before. It's a long story. As usual, imagery, rhythm and rhyme are fine. -
If we could always see through a child's eyes
we would never miss a single wonder
I love this poem it is soft and wistful.
moon2u
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Nice autumn poem
I had to read this twice to get it, since I did not read the title the first time. I really like the allusions to the autumn that you write about here, the fields and the october mists, the wind and amber sky.. it's a really peacful feeling, especially when you add in the setting of the barn. One of the things I would urge you to look at however, are the line lengths of the first stanza. They do not seem to fit with the ling lengths of the second stanza, because they are a bit longer. Descide if you need all of that information in each of those lines and possibly cut words from them or break them into short lines.
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Thanks for your comments vampedvixen, however, as the poem is a sonnet which requires 10 syllables to the line, which it does, in fact, have, it will stay as is....
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Oh how very lovely this is! The rhyme is light and pretty and the colors/images all vivid and perfectly matched with the season. And an interesting narrative spun in the verse as well. Nicely done!
, Dannie
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