erased sun-flower -
they eliminate weeds
from field of sprout
Author notes
Amaranthine Lover
Zvrhlík
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Secretary of Nature
A contest entry
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Is grammar O.K? I´m not native speaker. So I can make a mistake very easy.
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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its a wonderful tiny poem. In poetry grammer is irrelvant to correctness and all depends on the perspective of the writer. If the grammer sound correct to you and conveys the message intended then you have succeeded. However if you are trying to write a specific style of poetry like a haiku then your syllables are off. nicely done
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Hmm, very intense. Such effort deserves such points...
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a quite different piece, very straight to the point
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One in this that I can see is that this is not a haiku. Haikus have a five-seven-five syllable count. This poem has a five-six-four syllable count. Perhaps there is another form of haiku that I am not familiar with that utilizes this type of pattern, but I'm not familiar with it.
As for grammar... it's really hard to say. In poetry, course grammar can sometimes help - or hinder - what the author was trying to convey. For this piece, I think the strange phrasing and short phrases add to what a weed does. That's just me, however -
Sorry - you seem to have misunderstood the requirements of my competition - it was for poems about Poetry and/or poets.
Regarding your asking about grammar etc? "Fields of sprout" sounds VERY odd indeed.
There is a type of vegetable called "Brussels sprouts" (which are like very small cabbages - many of them growing on the same stalk), but they are always referred to in the plural. I do not think that here you wanted to refer to a specific crop here.
Abd I have to say that I do not understand what you mean by an "erased|" sunflower. To erase normally means to rub out (as one rubs out a false line in a pencil drawing). It CAN be used metaphorically to mean to kill or to destroy - but that does not seem to make sense here either. -
As most people have said before me, the grammar is spot on. I think this haiku can be interpreted in many ways depending on the reader's persona.
I for one enjoyed the expression of "erased sunflower" that line alone conjures many thoughts and images in my mind.
Thanks for sharing this. Best of luck in the contest.
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Thank you for your entry.
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Yeah I think your grammar is fine. This one actually makes sense to me. I have trouble with haikus put lately I have read a lot of them and I don't always get them. This one I did. Good write. Thanks for entering my contest. I really appreciate it.
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you did fine with yuor grammer and well you did a bang up job inc reating this Haiku. what really struck me most was how you wrote this. I mean your word useage is quite interesting and fifferent and the visualization is very stunning and forseeable. any ways over all a brilliant haiku and the very best of luck in the contests to you
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this is really nice. It seems simple on the face but then makes you think. I enjoyed the images of the sunflower. Thank you for entering.
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ty for entering good luck
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