The black carpet up high shook and shivered frantically,
On that enraged evening, when screens got distorted,
And screams haunted heatedly the gentle earth.
Yet the girl inside was unconscious of it all,
All she wished for was a spasm of unfettered air,
What she thought could set her soul free forever.
She longed to wake up one random dreamy day,
To find the threatening thorns against her neck
Badly etched and eaten away,
Like a hedgehog’s coarse shell, controlling its spikes.
It’s what she pined for more than anything else;
Dominion over how and what she felt.
Sometimes she even wondered,
While enclosed in a tiny box-sized cage;
How could a thing so sole and minute,
Attached meticulously among ruddy pipes,
Trigger involuntary feelings that last and with time ripe?
She longed to wake up one random dreamy day,
To the finest clang she’d ever heard and was to ever hear;
That of a door opening widely for her gain,
To catch a glimpse of light for she could not recall its sight,
To catch a glimpse of company for she had missed it so much.
And the girl dreamed on and on, forever and always,
That someday her eclipsed sky would fade into radiance,
But alas, she always opened her eyes,
To find herself in her lonesome life,
Cast away and … out of sight.
Author notes
SilentSadSinger
Category 2
I commented on 'Bed of Roses'. Such a fabulous poem!
A contest entry
- Teen Angst by Perfect-Pain.
333 points, ended October 24, 2008, 52 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - To all those rejected poems!!! Come and Take Refuge!!! by No longer in use.
600 points, ended October 21, 2008, 31 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - NO MORE ENTRYS. by Ginger Woods.
700 points, ended January 1, 43 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - big bang prewrites only contest by serenity silvermoon.
900 points, ended January 5, 124 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - desperatly depressing by frozenblackpetals.
550 points, ended February 4, 49 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Surpise me by dying inside 4ever.
690 points, ended July 19, 79 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Enigmatic Rounds-PREWRITES- Round 1 by MysteriousWhisper.
400 points, ended July 24, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PREWRITE... maybe rounds I'll see what i get!!! by Unbreakable3.
900 points, ended July 30, 224 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Quickie rounds!!!! ROUND ONE (19 days left till final round) PREWRITES (replace reserves) by The cliche typo.
400 points, ended August 3, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Your Best Prewrite! by FluorescentFixation.
1200 points, ended August 4, 69 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 3 catagories! 3 poem limit! Prewrites accepted! by Candice Bezanson.
1200 points, ended November 18, 100 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - Here.We.GO. by RainbowXButterflies.
550 points, ended October 3, 67 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
-
I love the disconnect between the narrator and the storm, when All she wished for was a spasm of unfettered air.
Also love this bit - that last and with time ripe
Sad story but very well written.
Nice work.
Josh
-
That someday her eclipsed sky would fade into radiance,
This line did reach out and grab me. I thought this poem was really well written and I did enjoy it very much. Thank you for entering! -
a good poem, ah life and love and dreams, and the loneliness we find deep within the spirit, at times it is hard to bear for sure, but we must keep a light of hope in the heart.
-
wow
i liked it alot escpecialy the last few stanzas, dark and sad... i like it! FINALIST LIST -
How sad. Yet good. This is a great write. You really have a lot of contests lined up for this one. Well done poet. Good luck in my contest.
-
This was good, Thank you for entering good luck with future writing!
-
yes.
-
Yes.
-
sad but made me want to keep reading awesome job and good luc
-
I hate to say i love this because it means i now have to make such tough dessicions, i'll re -read it again when i have more time because i must dsash now so this is an I-O-U
-
Favourite part had to be,
"
She longed to wake up one random dreamy day,
To find the threatening thorns against her neck
Badly etched and eaten away,
Like a hedgehog’s coarse shell, controlling its spikes."
So descriptive .. .emotional, frustrated ... just, wow!
Overall, this poem was wholly filled with vivid imagery, has a wonderful flow also!
thanks for entering
-
Wow. This is amazing. Has a wonderful flow. Thanks for entering
~Lae -
great take on the prompt. your choice of words are beautiful. thanks for sharing and good luck.
-
very nice flow and wording, paints a very beautiful picture. loved it. thanks for entering!
-
Beautiful imagery in this. I could almost see the girl disappearing right before my eyes. Excellent write. Write on, poet.
Blessings,
Myth
-
Great piece. It flowed well and I felt some emotion from it. Great job and good luck in the contest.
♥ Kathraina -
I'm speechless, the word's you used, the image I got. Just amazing, great write, and thank you for entereing.
-
I really like this poem. The imagery is great, and I especially love "her eclipsed sky ". It is a perfect line. Very nice write, and thanks for entering!
-
"She longed to wake up one random dreamy day"
Amazing, I love the description and imagery throughout, as well as the dark horror setting.
Well penned,
~lost
-
this was brilliantly descriptive, I'm a sucker for imagery and this is fantastic
thanks for entering
♥
-
[haunted heatedly] = beautiful alliteration.
{threating thorns} - again, i am a big fan of such wonderful alliteration.
the third last line is an amazing cataylist.
now, i could say everything that is breath-taking about this poem, but i would need alot more then then the space given.
it is phrased so interestingly that it completely avoids typicall cliche.
the vocab is incrediable.
extremely good.
best i've read so far=]
-
Wonderful capture of your prompt. This is a great poem, thank you for entering the contest, good luck.
♥
whisper
-
Sad story.
Although it was a bit convoluted in the middle, like the story got lost in the poem, or the effort of the poem if that makes any sense. It started out strong and had a good ending though.
Thanks for entering and good luck. -
This is very well writen, dark, emotional, good choice of words. I really enjoyed this- in a fairly dark way. Wonderful. Thank you for entering my contest.
-
hummm.... interesting. I like this background. And you wrote a very good poem here. Thanks for sharing it with us. And thanks for entering into my contest.
-
Great poem! Thanks for entering
-
Thank you so much for entering! -finalist list-
-
Wow. Wow. wow. wow wowowowowowowowowowo !!! oh and a w. I forgot to end it. Um...Yes this is wow. I am speachless in how this is so wow. My eyes are screaming YES and my ears are aching. My mouth...is opened in astonishment. And my nose is stifled. This is so very wonderful. I love it i love it i love it. Best work so far. SO AWESOME!!!
-
nice dark poem...
Good luck,
-
wow, this is beautifully written. such amazing imagery you created with your words. i really really like this.
Adding your comment:
1 - 30 of 30
