It all began the summer I met my dark and handsome lover,
I decided he'd be the one to get the last rose of summer.
I planted the seed with great care,
I watched it day and night,
I watered it more than its share
It was a splendid sight!
I provided it with the sun's rays,
I hid it from extra light,
I kissed it, caressed it and loved it,
It shone bright in the night!
I watched from my window
in the morning while drinking tea,
I watched from my window,
such immense pleasure it gave me.
I fed it with nutritious soil,
I fed it with manure.
I thought of my lover and the rose,
He would love it for sure!
I saw it grow as a bud,
I saw it become a flower,
Whenever I saw it, the rose,
Brought along memories of my lover from far!
All other flowers withered away
As the summer came to it's end.
The rose still stood as pretty as ever
Fully ready to be sent.
But then he left, my handsome lover,
This world and went away
And the last rose stands waiting for him
Each summer to this day!!!
A contest entry
- 5385 Points --- Winner Take All by mrme.
5385 points, ended October 28, 2008, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think about it?
Comments
-
This is a sweet write. I like the storyline and your use of the rose. I hope that your love does return for his rose someday.
Thanks for entering and good luck, -
i'll hold final comments until after final editing.
my constructive criticism:
you've got lovely wording throughout this poem, manure kind of stands out as a clunker word.
the 3 lines starting with Whenever I saw it, the rose
kind of throw off the rhythm. Also, the line All other flowers withered away is a bit of a weak line to me because it doesn't rhyme with lines around it and almost appears to be a filler line to me.
Just my thoughts. feel free to ignore.
I'll be back before end of contest to reread for any changes you opt to make.
thanks for entering and good luck.
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