Tragedy repaired
reborn
Simmered in the sultry summer sun
Distance never dared
to be done
baked to perfection
all alone
My heat seems to seep
feel your way or creep
crawl on so I can see
blindly, my destiny
my destiny
Symptoms of a syndrome
love and hate at home
autumn's chill is catchy
winter's will be done
Worries you bring to life
barely begin to describe
all that is left to ride
On the melting ice of spring
puddles of the past
I don't want to bring
But it seems to be
my destiny
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I loved the carefree rhyme in this- loose and independent. The imagery is really nice. I enjoyed "On the melting ice of spring, puddles of the past" and the echo of "my destiny". A nice ponderable poem.
KW~
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I enjoyed the poem, although the rhyming threw me off a bit. Is there a certain rhyme scheme you're following? If there is, I can't see it. I like the alliteration in the first stanza
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i rather enjoyed your opening stanza, the alliteration, the line breaks and the strong ending line, "all alone"
the rhymed section in the second stanza however i couldn't stomach as well, perhaps being a freeform writer i have a natrually unlovable critique of most rhyme pieces.
however you brought it back and ended well. -
Yes..it is not necessary all the time that one can control the results of the love and its destiny according to our own wishes..you have spoken your inner truth so beautifully..well done...
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Thank you so much for reading and sharing the thoughts my poem might have had some part in. Bluebird
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To be honest I have great diffculty commenting poems of this type. Being a country boy I have a penchant for simple expressive rhymes. However, I am impressed with your write and enjoyed the read. Happy trails neighbor
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I know the rhyme isn't perfect. It's not meant to be exact. So tell me what you think anyway.
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