hidden in the leaves
i found a tree
or what was left of one,
heart gone:
eaten.
Author notes
the most honest poem i have ever written
A contest entry
- All Sorts of Options; prewrites welcome by DramaQueen469.
380 points, ended October 16, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Everyone's a Critic by dewfall.
800 points, ended October 18, 2008, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Goodbye Poetry by poppa.
14089 points, ended October 18, 2008, 57 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Challenges, Ready? by catalyst..
400 points, ended October 27, 2008, 4 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Good One!
This could almost be a Haiku..you started out with a 5 syllable count. Gonna look at this & then send you a 'suggested ku'! This is quite fine & I'm glad to see you won a trophy for this! Bravo. You say a lot & convey a vivid image here. Potent!
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I loved this. It was so honest and straightforward, a beautiful imagery in such a small poem.
That takes talent
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i like short poems with drama in them.
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Wow.
Powerful.
Sometimes the simplest poems scream the loudest. This is definitely the case here.
Very well done, and good luck!!! -
I read the last word as a play on "Eden" and am sadly amused by this "pome."
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The almost anonymous title is suggestive of sotto voce, no need for a name as such, just a need for the reader to read the poem.
Seventeen words say to me this is a personification of a character, camoflagued/oppressed/maybe feeling buried alive within a state of feeling that there is only an existence.
A sombre tone to this poignantly penned piece. A sense of isolation, quite what has eaten away at the heart is not revealed, leaving the reader to just feel the desolation and perhaps that is the intent of the poem, to say underneath all this, here is what is left of me, I have no heart but am not heartless, just empty.
Ok, enough rambling!
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you nailed it. even reading it in the plain english you put it in, it makes me sad.
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excellent poem!
though it is so short, it certainly gets the point across! -
This has a serious impact for something so short. I admire every word! I would love to see more of this style. It is ser inspiring.
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WOW, dig it! alot said in such few words.
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One of Hemmingway's more famous friends (I'm terrible with names ><) that he met and worked with in Paris has that one quote, "A rose is a rose is a rose". Another quote is "Write the truth. Write the truest words you know."
I think this is exactly the composition of both quotes. This is a very powerful poem, I hope you pursue this style! You could do great things with this.
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this is the kind of poem that one reads and goes aah
in a very very good way
like you say, it's honest and so resonates with the reader. in this case me lol
feels good to be the first person reading this
love the haiku-like quality of it too and the wisdom. and that the image is so clear.
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thank you. this poem means quite a bit to me.
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