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when we are one

last night I heard the rain fall
hard in thin-skinned puddles
without wind
and I remembered when
we were
wet lips and cold
against pressed glass
I miss the way you sooth
like mist

when morning kisses

I am sky

with wings together

we are one when wind

 

 

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • crivanea silver member
    October 28, 2008
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    i really like the beginning..i love the line..wet lips and cold
    against pressed glass and "sooth
    like mist

    when morning kisses " the last line i didn't like too much because it just seem more cliche..overdone...but yeah.i do enjoy this piece..some nice comparison..and the imagery is impressive

  • She Stole My Voice
    October 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "I am sky
    with wings together
    we are one when wind"

    I've read these lines over and over.
    The word 'when' doesn't sound right to me.
    Maybe I'm not reading it right.
    Who knows.
    ♥


    -Mary


  • notorious gold member
    October 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Gorgeous, yeah this is.

    "thin skinned"<--insert a hyphen.

    "when/we were/wet lips and cold"
    OH I LOVE that "wet lips and cold" is kind of used as adjectives here...awesome.


    Jessica


  • Cannonsfire
    October 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    How beautifully soft this voice is spoken...just leaving a sigh C

1 - 7 of 7