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Five Feet Under

He said he’s only
five feet under,
not fully there.

He’s stuck in between
the madness at home;
the madness in the world.

Just trying to breathe.

But he’s in his coffin
with the air supply
suffocating him, and
no way to escape.

He’s in there pounding
at the door,
hoping someone will hear
him from above.

Feel his fists shifting the soil.
Hear his pleas for help.

If he’s only five feet under,
is he five sixths of the way to Hell,
or just out of the reach of Heaven?

Author notes

coloringmysenses

This was written before a Geometry test.
I missed most of the review...

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Nicada silver member
    November 24, 2008

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    What a dark write you have penned here. Very creative and amazing imagery. Nice job, and thanks much for entering. Blessings, Patty


  • RestlessDreamer
    October 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, I like this a lot. I was hoping that someone would write something along these lines for this prompt. Great job!


  • Iridessa MoonFlower
    October 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow! Amazing thought process here. Good luck in the contets. ~~Iridessa~~


  • SummerRuthSmith
    October 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    that is really good thx for the comment

  • ElectricBloom
    October 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow,
    this is excellent.
    I love it.
    Especially the last stanza, it's so chilling and such a powerful end to the poem.
    You have some beautiful imagery here :

    Feel his fists shifting the soil.

    Simply amazing.

    Well done, a beautiful, slightly morbid poem. One I truly enjoyed reading.

    ElectricBloom

  • dino
    October 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I loved this.
    It really gave me a guiltyish mood.
    I like your ending


  • youhadme-athello.
    October 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i love this!

  • tunafan
    October 11, 2008

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    good show!

    that was great. and i'm not just saying that because you gave me a nice comment. but yes, i agree with netherspice, i adore the last stanza .


  • Netherspice
    October 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent!

    That was a very very good write Danielle.

    I love the last stanza, really made the poem for me.

    You're amazing!

    With love, Mattias.


  • SingMeToSleep
    October 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    OMJCITP!!! Danielle, this was ah-mazing!!!! truly vamptastic!!

1 - 11 of 11