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an october shit-fly and an old man

Missing image






a fat shit-fly hovers above marble
and steel
in these final days even his buzz slows

 

i curse and shoo him from the lip of a coffee mug

he rises like the heavy hand of a storm-cloud



___



the old man lays tucked beneath knitted wool

smiles when i arrive

6 months
he whispers

 

his wife
corrects

more like six days

 

shock registers

as he relearns it again



___


my tongue cleaves heavy
a thick thief stealing words


___


the visiting nurse
asks about dementia

two heads nod

a small orange cat scratches a flea bite

an old man shakes his head
no



___

i hope to say goodnight

but he is asleep on the couch

 

 

i

know

what

he

will

look

like

in the coffin



___



when i arrive home
the gray cat paces and stalks

 

a slow, green fly holds tight the wall

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

don't give a crap that the title sucks. will work it out on my own..
but thank you...

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Comments

1 - 20 of 20
  • Namita
    October 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i like the title. i like the last vignette. this one's totally cool.


  • silkypoet
    October 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Good Look

    i
    know
    what
    he
    will
    look
    like
    in the coffin

    I felt like a voyeur. I actually like the title, it's as raw as the emotion in this piece, sometimes I don't want to know the truth, but I know you will always write it, won't you?

    Lori


  • cup-a-joe silver member
    October 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very touching write. The title is perfect.
    Joe


  • sheltered gold member
    October 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I don't know if I should be laughing
    but I couldn't help myself
    this is a real jewel
    some great imagery and quirkiness
    awesome write


  • DogFish silver member
    October 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "i think the title is great but i did originally think it was about john mccain before i read the poem..."
    Mr Morelli and I were on the same wave-length for that!

    Beyond that-
    this was very moving, Mary. It makes the reader slow right down to stand in the gravity and the helplessness of the moment.
    A gem of poem about a very difficult subject.


  • AJ Morelli gold member
    October 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i think the title is great but i did originally think it was about john mccain before i read the poem...

    this is a wonderful use of vignettes to paint a vivid and emotional narrative on a subject i have had very personal experiences with...

    a very fine poem


    al


  • marc creamore
    October 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Mary Cat . . . THE TITLE IS PURRRFECT!!!!! PLEASE DON'T CHANGE IT, it draws the reader into the poem . . . This piece has the haunting, inevitable aspects of that strange journey that we will all one day take . . . The way the stanzas float back and forth in relation to the subject matter is brilliant . . . I found myself almost feeling uncomfortable while reading it . . . the uncertainty you have created here is so true . . . I know . . . I was once pronounced clinically dead about 20 years ago and it was an experience that came eerily close to what you describe here . . .

    Marc

  • celadia
    October 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is very moving and has a feeling of inevitablity to it, well, we're all going to die, right? But the old man makes you think.


  • bobanonymous gold member
    October 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Nice write


  • badnovocaine
    October 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Nah the title doesn't suck at least I dont think so.

    All I have to say about this poem is it's really good.
    You can express emotion and a story well. Its a sad poem but really good nonetheless.

    I loved this part:
    my tongue cleaves heavy
    a thick thief stealing words

    Good job on this one.


  • tara wilson gold member
    October 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply


  • IronIcecream
    October 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    dreamt of seeing myself dead in a coffin once
    didn't felt any fear
    as the dreaded moment was already done
    only a strange peace

    and the people movements around were more disturbing
    than the fly waiting on the wall


  • Luna Tique Fringe
    October 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    love the edits in the last two vignettes. the format of the tiny font and single word lines, makes me feel a short shallow breath between each each word. it really enhances.


  • sailor ptolema
    October 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    ...


  • BehindTheShadow
    October 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    .


  • Grunts Girl silver member
    October 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i love the blanket change and the cat change at the end...
    and oh how you made coffin visual

    nice editing done to it
    incredibly sad poem


  • zochit2me gold member
    October 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Well I do not have to comment in the group cause low and behold, here it is!
    Mary to tell you about things to change in this would be just wrong...this is yours to hold and release when time comes.

    I will say that I like the images and get a better picture of what you were talking about to keep it in the moment. And I know sometimes I get frustrated beyond words. But YOUR words to me are never taken lightly...they sit and slowly absorb, digest and regurgitate as something useful...if that makes sense ..

    I love this piece
    because it is personal and a piece of your life.



    ♥Becky♥

  • Suzanne Dia
    October 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This one hurts, Mary.
    Realization can be a cruel thing, sometimes it sneaks up on you .. sometimes it slaps you in the face and denies you denial.

1 - 20 of 20