Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

There's More To This [I Hope]

Missing image
There’s more to this, I hope,
because lately I’ve been reaching into paper bags of love
and coming up empty.
I’m succumbing to feelings of angst that, like a cup of hot tea,
burn me from the inside out
and no matter how much I try to writhe my way through,
I simply can’t unclasp myself from this heart.
The violin of my integrity has suddenly become out of tune,
and the strings are snapping, one by one, just like my vocal chords.
I desperately rub vigor into my parched skin,
forgetting that when I put everything into something
it always turns out to be nothing.
His eyes are hollow now, and I can feel myself sneak away,
to a place where I am secure and he can’t reach me.
I push myself too hard, making it almost impossible
for him to ever get close enough to slip inside me.
The pendulum in my stomach is off-kilter, as are my thoughts.
I keep fighting to be happy yet my inner flame has begun to flicker
and pretty soon, I’m frightened it will be extinguished for good.
I’m coughing up sweet poetic phrases and endless riddles
in hopes that maybe someday, he’ll understand how my mind works.
Until then, I’ll let myself get tangled up in these perplexing wires,
because I know there has got to be more to love than this.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • lowercase prelude gold member
    November 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Excellent poem

    Strong emotions and wonderful imagery/metaphors


  • yellow blue bus gold member
    October 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I desperately rub vigor into my parched skin,
    forgetting that when I put everything into something
    it always turns out to be nothing.
    ---
    that was amazing.
    and the last two lines were also amazing.

    this whole piece was beautiful, filled with imagery and metaphor
    and I really liked how it was written, even though usually I prefer at least one line break in the middle. this made it more prose-like which I enjoyed.

    thanks for entering and goodluck


  • new born
    October 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is so incredible. I don't even know what to say besides wow. Your wording was astounding and the emotion was so real and powerful it made me choke up. Again, simply incredible.


  • innocence jaded.xx
    October 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    -There’s more to this, I hope,
    because lately I’ve been reaching into paper bags of love
    and coming up empty.
    ...

    hahhh ! Story of my life. I love how you wrote that. So simple, yet so unique. Coming up empty...pretty much my life right now. Pretty freaking muchhh.

    -I’m succumbing to feelings of angst that, like a cup of hot tea,
    burn me from the inside out
    and no matter how much I try to writhe my way through,
    I simply can’t unclasp myself from this heart.
    ...

    Ahhhh. "like a cup of hot tea, burn me from the inside out." Whoa. Love the metaphor there. Definitely never seen that one before. Woot & wowww. That last line. I seriously had to take a deep breath after reading that. I simply can't either =/ Stupid boys. Fawking fawkers.

    -The violin of my integrity has suddenly become out of tune,
    and the strings are snapping, one by one, just like my vocal chords.
    I desperately rub vigor into my parched skin,
    forgetting that when I put everything into something
    it always turns out to be nothing.
    ...

    Whoaaa. I love the raw emotions at this part. The poem just gets more and more intense. "parched skin", loveee that adjective in front of skin!

    -His eyes are hollow now, and I can feel myself sneak away,
    to a place where I am secure and he can’t reach me.
    I push myself too hard, making it almost impossible
    for him to ever get close enough to slip inside me.
    ...

    *sigh* everything I've read tonight of yours just hits home to the point where I'm likke almost in tears. hahah. This is incredible. This is how I feel You phrased that perfectly and worded it exactly how I was feeling.

    -The pendulum in my stomach is off-kilter, as are my thoughts.
    I keep fighting to be happy yet my inner flame has begun to flicker
    and pretty soon, I’m frightened it will be extinguished for good.
    ...

    Ohkay, so I love the whole "pendulum in my stomach" thing. That seriously blew me away. I love the whole "fire" relation to "extinguished." Very intelligent way of putting it hoe I love it.

    -I’m coughing up sweet poetic phrases and endless riddles
    in hopes that maybe someday, he’ll understand how my mind works.
    Until then, I’ll let myself get tangled up in these perplexing wires,
    because I know there has got to be more to love than this.
    ...

    Love the first line, can't say much about it besides it's AMAZINGG AHHH. AND THE SECOND LINE. "maybe someday, he'll understand how my mind works." Ohmygawddd. I seriously think I just fell in love
    i can't even begin to describe how well put that was. I'm in complete awe right now. COMPLETE awe. Wow. Veryvery well written hoe. Keep it upppp !
    ILOVEIT!♥