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Don't Tell Me (contest)

I know you think that I'm
Just overreacting
Our friendship is too strong for
Something serious
But if this other person
Was not in the picture
Then would my feelings still be
So mysterious?

You think that just because
We were never together
That I should close my eyes
Now and just walk away
If you could only see the love
I have inside me
I'd have you on your knees
Begging for me to stay

So don't you try to tell me
My heart is not breaking
Don't you try to tell me
That you're not the one
Don't tell me it's a game
That you are now ending
Cause I'm not gonna stop playing
Until I've won

Don't tell me it's too late
Because nobody owns you
Don't tell me I should stop and
Survive on my own
We both are well aware that
They do not love you
So don't ignore my heart and
Leave us both alone

Author notes

Symphony suggested that I enter this prewrite since it may very well have been influenced by "Winner Takes it All" by Abba, considering I am a huge Abba fan and this came to me while singing in the shower .

A contest entry

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Comments


  • KyleBerg gold member
    October 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I am glad she told you to enter this =)

    I love the story of this poem and the rhyme is nice, though for me it seemed that the rhythm was a bit off in places (for example, "until I've won" -- my mind was begging me to read it as "until I have won") -- might just be me though

    Also, on line 20, i think 'your' should be 'you're' ?
    I know it's just a tiny little thing, but I'm a bit of a grammatical perfectionist (sorry!)

    I thoroughly enjoyed reading the metaphor of the 'game', which is, no doubt, a large part of the connection this poem has with 'The Winner Take It All'.

    All in all, very nice poem -- well done.
    Best of luck and thank you for entering


    • Guardian
      October 11, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      You were totally right about the your/you're thing, I don't know why or how I made that mistake but it's fixed now . The "Until I've won" line is the only part of changing the song into a poem that I worried about, because in the song it is a perfect fit but in poem form it looks awkward. I only had one one other option that would make sense for both song/poem which was 'til I have won' which I didn't like because "til" is only half a word.

      Anyhow, thank you for your kind words and your critique! I appreciate feedback like this because it makes me a better writer in the future!

      • KyleBerg gold member
        October 11, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Hmm I can understand the dilemma you have there with that line.. how frustrating.
        Oh well, it's only a very minor awkwardness in the poem, so i wouldn't lose sleep over it or anything =)
        You're most welcome for the feedback