Avast, me hearties!
On with naumachy.
I'll have no malarky,
Just serious waging of
serious swordplay and
serious blood on the decks
by the end of this
glorious day.
Onward, me hearties
with clanking of swords
and pounding of boots
as the enemy boards.
Avast, away,
this glorious day.
A contest entry
- Word of the Day IV by Gaffer.
450 points, ended November 5, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
So, what's your opinion of this?
Comments
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Sorry it has taken me so long to post.
All-in-all, I think a lot more could have been added to this poem to really make it stand out... more imagery of the blood, and the waging war. I want to read more about what this naumachy is, and I want to feel the imagery. I want to hear more of the sounds... you mentioned the clanking swords and pounding boots... I think this poem could really benefit from more play on the senses... hearing those sounds, some cannons or gunfire... smelling blood, tasting the salty sea-air... I think you could really take this poem to the next level... Make the reader smell and taste and hear and see and feel what is going on.
With the title already being "Naumachy", it didn't have to appear anywhere else in the body of the poem, and as it stands now, I don't really think it flows. I would take out the word altogether. -
Love this...
Fantastic!!!
Fun and full of character...
Set a wonderfully vibrant scenerio in the mind of the reader of parrots, peg-legs, eye-patches & hook hands...
Well penned, well versed, Well Done!!!
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this is very rollicking, hearty poem, it has character and style. Good luck in the contest, hope you win something.
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