Gracefully I sway
Autumn carrying me
Tiny leaf twisters
The chill caresses me
and my spirits soar
Above all October currents
Looking below, abroad
I see all things in this moment
Bliss seeks and rests
Entranced in a minute
Transparency holds
I am beyond the bustling
The street spins at its own pace
Yet, I am sultry with stasis
Languidly breathing times fragment
Intoxicated by the mysticism
I saunter an unseen silhouette
And mellifluously escape the clocks restraints
And the minute hand looks on in envy...
Author notes
Sometimes I feel an invisible bliss that is outside of time, as if I have been freed from responsibilities pressures.
A contest entry
- Wool sweater and an old chair. by Freswinn.
700 points, ended October 25, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
How do you picture this moment?
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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great
it made time stand still I WANT TO READ MORE OF YOUR POEMS. tHANKSFOR REAding mine
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I think this is one of your best pieces(that I've read thus far)
Your writing is more polished than usual, and that makes the reading more enoyable. You have a talent for selecting interesting themes for your pieces, so when inpiration comes, combine talent and inspiration and you'll end up with more poems such as this. Good job
Vito
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Thank you Mr. Vito, you must tell me what needs to be polished in my other pieces, I become used to rough edges, as that is how I am
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i like the idea, time is our enemy, and i think about it often, thanks for the view point
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Wow! I really loved the descriptive imagery in this. It would be nice to just sit and be entranced like that. Forget all your worries and see the beauty around you.
Great write! Keep up the great work.
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Thank you for reading!
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I very strongly relate to this poem myself, so needless to say, I enjoyed reading this one! It's nice to live in the time of nature itself instead of the world all the time, and I've always been one to say that I move like the leaf upon the river. Anyway, the only suggestion I have to give you might possibly be in that first stanza: Graceful to Gracefully perhaps? Just a thought. Great write.
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I would LOVE to feel like that.
(My moment is on the DDR machine...I see only the arrows. But that's for 1.5 minutes, after that. when the song finishes, everything comes back to my face.)
I don;t like it!!
This poem great though.
'I am beyond the bustling'
In a world like today- people need that. -
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DDR machine?
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You have such a way with words. The excellent manner the stanzas dovetail into one another is perfection. Your subtle use of metaphor is one of the elements that carry the picture to the reader. The last line of this poem is most particularly appropriate to the theme of stepping outside the flow of passing time at your own pace while the minute hand is forced to keep it's march going always on.
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I appreciate you reading, it is so nice to have someone look something over when you have completed it. Fresh eyes are wonderful!
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