Leave me here unto this path
I dare not go into the wrath
That waits beyond this autumn fog
Find me cowardly inside an aging log
Alone in this splendor
Never going to be brave enough to dream
Past a gobbled up green (golden-red) scene
That cheats some hope back into a breathless me
Laced with the maybe of which lies ahead that I can’t conceive
Author notes
option 2 of the October Contest for new members
A contest entry
- October New Member's Contest by AP Greeters.
600 points, ended November 6, 2008, 57 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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reply: SeptemberFaith
Thank you so much for your comment and suggestions.
The capital letters are used like punctuation. This poem is to have the feel of chaos, hectic and lost. The capitals make you take a pause at the very beginning of each line to give that out of breath lost feeling to it. The fourth line is to make you circle like when lost in a forest. The break in the middle gives that moment of calm that one seeks when confused.
Hope this all helps. Again thank you for the comment. -
reply: LindaBurns
Thank you so much for your comments and suggestions. The first one: UNTO is used to create the sense of being in motion as UPON gives the impression one will just be standing there.
The second one: WHICH singles out the maybe that might be up there. WHAT refers to life in general and it is the possibility of rejection he fears.
Hope this helps. Sorry if it was confusing.
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Hi,
I would just like to wish you the best of luck
in the contest
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Welcome to AllPoetry!
Hi, there. Very different take on the prompt. 
Two suggestions: 1st line…Leave me here UPON this path…and line 9…of WHAT lies ahead. The last line is a little unbalanced 
with the rest of the poem. The “Find me cowardly inside an aging log” makes me think this might be 
‘tongue in cheek’. 
Props for originality. Best of luck with the contest. 
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Welcome to Allpoetry
I like to welcome you to the site. Life is like a road and along the road there are things unforeseen. I wish you luck in the contest. -
Welcome to Allpoetry
I like the hope that this person is trying to have. It can be so hard for some people, but it seems this person is trying, and maybe eventually will be able to stand tall. Good take on the prompt.
♥
whisper
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Welcome to AllPoetry!
This has some unique imagery to it. Your lines flow together with ease and you did a good job with it.
Welcome to AP and good luck in the contest.
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welcome to allpoetry
You do have some great lines (and images) written here. I like the way your words fit into the picture chosen.
Very nicely done. Thank you for entering the contest.
Good luck to you.
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Welcome to Allpoetry
Hello Dysfunctional Poet,
I felt that you did a good job with this poem, however, I do have some suggestions. Each line starting with a capital letter takes away from the flow. I noticed this in the third line. That line is not a new thought, so adding a capital letter causes a pause that is not needed. I think that if you utilize some punctuation the flow from one line to the next would be much smoother.
EX:
Leave me here, unto this path
I dare not go into the wrath,
that waits beyond this autumn fog
find me cowardly inside an aging log"
I also felt the third line was stopped with your choice of wording. I think it would sound better "watiting beyond this autumn fog"
I like how you have a stand alone line in the middle. I think this adds a dramatic edge that might have been otherwise lost if the line was bunched with the first set or second set of lines.
I love in the seventh line how you used (golden-red), I think this kicked up the visual of this line up a notch and actually made me grin.
Everyone feels fear, but we cant let fear control us. We only have one life.. once it's over, that's it, there is no going back or doing it over. Take chances, you'll find you feel better about yourself and your life.
bravo poet,
Criss -
Welcome To Allpoetry
Hi dysfunctional poet
I think you've done well writing this piece, i think most of fear the tomorrow, not knowing what's around the corner is daunting.
Great work, goodluck in the contest
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Welcome to All Poetry
Alone in this splendor.. u have a very creative way of pulling up words Good effort put in here.. and thats clearly shown. Thank you much!!
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Welcome to All Poetry
I like the imagery that you have used for this write, however, I found that some of the wording was a little confusing at times. Best of luck in the contest. -
Welcome to Allpoetry!
I don't know what your intent was with that line in the middle, but it added something special to the poem. Your poetic device and imagery were astounding, especially in the second stanza; the last two lines were definitely my favourites.
Well done, and best of luck!
Laura, aka Immortal
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Welcome to All Poetry
This is amazing! What a great job you did on this one. I like the feel that this poem gives the reader.
Which option did you choose? You did great on this one!
Best of luck in this contest!
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Welcome to Allpoetry!
I really like the separation of the middle line - it has a very powerful effect on emphasising the lonliness of this poem the rules of the contest state that you have to place the option number in your AN (the place in 'edit' that says 'any notes?'), I would hate to see this DQ'd because of something like that! The coloured imagery in the last stanza is very well done and my favorite part of this poem I wish you the best of luck in the contest!
Keep writing
Polly
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welcome to all poetry
Hi dysfunctional poet
My favorite line is
That cheats some hope back into a breathless me
Good poem poet thank you for entering and good luck in the contest
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