My pain you cannot kill
My wounds any medicine cannot heal
The empty spaces left inside my heart I find no love to fill
When everything’s out of control it’s too hard to chill.
It’s gone! I cannot sense that joyful thrill
I must have swallowed the wrong pill
So that’s the reason why now I’m ill
I lost! My score is nil.
Thinking of this my head starts to twirl
My sadness and troubles who will steal ?
Realizing this is not just a dream but everything’s real
Bruises on my heart I can feel
My heart is not designed like stainless steel.
I climb this tall hill
And I talk to myself and how I feel
Trying to say a final prayer as I kneel
Oh God! I lost my will.
Author notes
Not just random thoughts…
(V.2)
Written: Thursday, October 09, 2008 4:10:06 PM @ 21
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A contest entry
- Take My Breath Away(Anything you Want) by fairytalelovestory.
675 points, ended October 19, 2008, 106 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Share your poems with me by trekkergirl.
550 points, ended November 6, 2008, 174 entries
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Comments
1 - 34 of 34
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well it sounds like u have mental isusses u talk to ya self ay? you know popeye the sailer by any chance? he talks to him self as well you'd get on well anyway i really think you should spend more time on the flow and the rhime so do try to think of what your writing down insted of just writing the first thing that comes to mind, anyway use some touch-ups but good try
senserly emo 666
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may be random thoughts but a rather interesting one at that. This one has a more religious feel to it. It is good. thanks for sharing it. And thanks for entering this into my contest.
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this i like i can releate to this nice flow " My pain you cannot kill my wounds any medicine cannot heal" I may have said my wounds no medicine can heal but i see your ping i love "Its gone I annot sense that jouful thrill I must have swallowed the wrong pill" watch the sings song rythem but over all this kept my atttenion all the way to the end and it is a peice that i can relate too nice work
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hello
you did not take the wrong pill, perhapes it is love that makes you cry.The wise do not laugh with the rejoycing, for there burdens are not false.maybe you should guard your sadness with all your heart, and seek to cry every tear that wells up inside your soul.
because the truth is with the weeping and sorrow is with those who know. -
nice ryming flow
well done
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excellent. amazing poem. i agree with every word except for the praying part but thats just because im atheist. i wouldnt change a word on this one.
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Nice rhyme and flow here. Love the way you got your message across. Cheers
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good job
nice poem. i fely the rythm, i felt the words, i rlly felt what u wanted 2 say... nice write!!
btw... to answer ur question... you wouldnt know actually... u might just guess someone read it? lol
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AMAZING
that was super deep, kudos
-cari -
very good job on this there are alot of things i can relate to so please write more i will be expecting more from you
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i like it
good job. i felt this was a very good piece. good job
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wow
i get it. i get wat u mean. great write.
very emotional.
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wow so sad. but it was a wonderful poem. you had nice flow and it was very well written =) good job. you really managed to let the reader into the emotion of the poem (if that makes any sense at all). anyways nice write and keep up the good work.
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Wow
Simply amazing, and yet so sad... You have brought me into tears with your words... The pain and sadness truly radiates from this poem... Very well written, I hope to see many more.
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wow that was so sad but i liked it! the only thing i didnt understand was in the third stanza and its the fourth word: was that supposed to be head right?
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understandable
i liked it, i dont criticize peoples poems or writing, its only cause they are your feelings and im just here reading to get inspiration and to try to understand others, this was really good, and i understood it, love the way you put it together
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direct
sorry for not reading this sooner. you found an awful lot of words to rhyme and flowed it. your rhythm is pretty good. I can relate to the space you describe, i am in a similar one, it comes and goes... today i took some control and decided to cut back my smoking, this helped my mood, i hope you too find something that might help you out of this funk.. cheers to you fellow poet and good luck.
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Great poem! keep up the good work!
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You haven't lost your will. You wouldn't be sorry upset or angry if you had. You are expressing your feelings which is the best way to begin feeling better. It will come slowly with time. I speak from experience there.
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An excellent poem that captures well the pain of indecision and hopelessness, upon that hill. I hope you have found some solace and comfort somewhere to ward off these dismal feelings.
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This makes me very sad. This is a terrible feeling and you depicted it very well. We are broken and fragile and sometimes completely empty. Truly a solemn, forlorn write
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Great...x
you have a great way with words shuberth liked the rhyming very emotional poem loved it!.
your friend tash
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i looveedd ur way with words....but..no offence...i din like the words fill n chill going together......coz..it sounds too.....cliche...also i don like'its too hard to chill"--the line...it dusnt sounbd elegant n poetic
but i luvveed ur whoollee poem otherwise...
much love,
~Anagha-Nataraj~
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Thinking of this my heard starts to twirl
I believe heard is supposed to be head....
This is a great write. Keep your head up and keep writing -
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Yes head is supposed to be head....
"Thinking of this my heard starts to twirl" does not mean it actually does... but this is what I feel in my mind with all this pain and anger… I feel my head is spinning… I’m getting headaches right now and I’m thinking of something… I trust no one… not even anyone on AP… some of them I met here I thought they were my friends but later I realized they were nothing but lies… yeah big liars…. I came to a point where I don’t need any friends or keep my mouth shut! Its not that I want to but I have to… my life almost came to a STOP and the future is pitch black for me…
there are a lot of thoughts occurring in my mind right now… 
Thanks For Reading!
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Wowzers this was good. I could definately connect to it. You painted a good picture for me. However, stay away from forced rhymes.
LOVED IT! <3 -
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Thanks!
Hey I'm a rhyming Poet
Poetry needs rhyme and rhythm for me… as far as I know I won’t post anything that don’t Rhyme! I like to tell stories in a rhyme and let out my emotions… of course this is a poem and not just a story so you cannot say stay away from forced rhymes. No offence meant!
Thanks for reading, I appreciate this comment …
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to be honest i'd sooner not comment on the rhyming for fear of offend you, however i do like the idea behind the poem and the emotional content is good.
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amazing
i know a poem is good when i forget about my surroundings .. && this i did this was awesome!
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Thank You So Much! I'm Delighted!
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You've been very descriptive here in each stanza, and done a good job at getting your pain over to the reader. Very emotional and well written, the rhyme was good too. Thank you for sharing this very sad work with us all.
Shaz xx
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Thanks for reading and for the appreciation… good that you liked Rhymes… that’s what I do I try to describe how I feel by letting out my emotions and putting them into word…
Thank You So Much!
Shuberth
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This poem was full of emotion and very powerful. I hope that things get better for you soon 
I think that you did a good job with this. Keep up the good work
Take care
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enjoyed the poem....the pain is very well expressed with rhyme....appreciable
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