I came into this thinking I knew,
Believing I had it all set out.
And today I leave this knowing nothing
And keeping everything inside.
I know more than you, about me,
Yet none of it matters now.
All my desperate attempts
For help, for guidance,
To stop my addiction...
And three and a half years on
I'm less of the girl I'm meant to be,
More of the disguise,
More of the person I hated being,
The victim.
But this, this is a victimless crime
And it's my fault.
One soul, she blocked me out
For saying that sometimes,
It's the child's fault.
It was my fault.
I did this, to myself.
This soul, the one who claims
Her life a saviour's life,
And yet she didn't save me.
Though, I never wanted it anyway.
But the fact is,
I'm replaceable.
You said it yourself,
That I don't matter.
So I'll keep it up,
These actions that are lies,
These tears that are fake
And this fucking heart
That's just plasticine.
Because I'm obscene,
My words are, my life is.
I'm sorry,
I lied.
I can't fix it
Between us.
I can fix it
Only by hurting you,
I've been doing it all along
But you were never affected
Because you never knew.
So I won't come clean,
I've tried so many times
And I backed out
Or you backed off.
So this here,
This is just farewell.
The rain is coming
My bags are packed.
They can't touch me any more.
A contest entry
- {This is} What HURTS the MOST ;; by Candy Morphine.
700 points, ended November 17, 2008, 64 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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very cute background=]
i like the title. remind me of a yellowcard song.
the first 3 lines had great contrast.
[i'm replacable] = heart.breaking.
the {plasticine} rhyme was extremely powerful and effective.
the second last stanza keeps you gwondering how it will end. good way to end a stanza. -
Hmm.. its a story in a poem. could be said in prose i think. would make a good one. and somehow even though we stopped speaking again i understand what your thinking. sorta.
Love you. gonna be in melbourne from the 25th of november. loves.
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We stopped talking?
I don't like prose. It shits me, especially on poetry sites. Only ever uploaded one "prose" type write in my 3 and a half years on here, & that was extravagant circumstances. But yeah. Something to think about.
& it worries me that your sort of understand what I'm thinking.
Love you too.
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I dunno kinda lost it here. First you say you can fix it then not... I can't seem to make up my mind what you want here.
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I'm assuming this is where you meant,
"I can't fix it
Between us.
I can fix it
Only by hurting you"
I can't fix it between us - it's impossible, because of the below.
I can fix it only by hurting you - If I make the move to fix things, it will hurt them and I can't do that. That's why it's impossible.
I write how I talk, sometimes things come out "backwards", or that's what people tell me anyway. I don't realise it 99% of the time.
I hope this helps
Also, it may come across a little scatter-brained because, well, that's what I'm like most the time and even more so when I wrote this. Cheers.
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I really lyk this. I like how you have the near exact time for the title. Its like you have been counting down. This is very good.
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wow
This was a very good write.. Im getting the hint of a drug addiction here... and people are saying its your fault... this is a great write although im not quite sure what is going on.. keep up the great work!
Shannon*Leah
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