reading certain uncertain words
makes me wanna sleep write
after a psychedelic sojourn in a sensory deprivation tank.
one filled the laughter of Lennon
and the tears & spittle of Lenin.
or was that vice versa
oh damn, like playing patty cakes with a linguistic gorilla.
the surrealists make the convolutions unspool
and leave a sticky path down a strange highway
as the pages mummify this sun-burnt Aztecan scarecrow
sitting in chair of dismay
disavowing dismal decay.
the romantics cause my ears to bleed profusely
unlike Van Gogh calling his lover on a xenophone.
but a romantic I am
sitting in this chair
woven by alpha baters, phoeneticators,
and scribing voyeurs of all that purity abandoned on the steps of yesteryear's hallowed sanctum.
the impressionist make not an impression
more like a mere indention
swift kick to my priapismic erection
with nazi boots of oppression
taunting tender suppression of any red light obsessions.
rhyme makes me want to regurgitate
while you tongue my ass and read me D. H. Lawrence
but I must acquiesce while I mispell
and enunciate poorly like a southern mongoloid overdosing on his hair lipped mothers affection.
she feeds him quatrains and kumquats
shot from a fragile slingshot borrowed from Babel's Tower
in the late hour of shameless shenanigans.
Author notes
http://www.box.net/shared/a12d864bki
A contest entry
- Quickie? by kiwigirljacks.
525 points, ended October 9, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your favorite by whispernthedark.
790 points, ended November 7, 2008, 56 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - medicated poetry by Dangerousparable.
400 points, ended December 20, 2008, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Your Best Title by grammabuff.
625 points, ended May 3, 24 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best of the Best!! by DramaQueen469.
2000 points, ended June 8, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Spoken Word by walkingstick98.
1000 points, ended August 4, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Did it make ya think and/or feel?
Comments
1 - 45 of 45
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Glorious...
Very impressive imagery and lexicon. This composition is a mind's striking one. It activates the dynamo of the learning soul; stimulates thoughts; and takes the reader on a historic politic social, artistic and ontological trip.
The closing stanza gave me motive to place it in the chalice of my heart. "she feeds him quatrains and kumquats/shot from a fragile slingshot borrowed from Babel's Tower/in the late hour of shameless shenanigans."
A special Salute to the author of this masterpiece with my gratitude, respect and admiration.
Andre Emmanuel Bendavi ben-YEHU
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Honored by your accolades, kind sir.
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I loved the title... I loved the poem! Thanks so much for entering this piece, and I wish you the best of luck
Maria
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The title is offbeat and perfect for this ramble. What words! "Linguistic gorilla", "alpha baters", "phoeneticators ". Poetic forms and style come and go - cynicism lives forever. Thanks for entering.
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thanks grams, and so true what ya said bout styles and cynicism!
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...xenophone: A sound in speech that is not native to the language being spoken; a sound from a foreign language...
...the clever twist with using a xenophone like a telephone is that a xenophone would obscure what you are saying so that you will hear what you choose to hear through your mental state...therefore proving that man kind in general would rather hear random rantings that they can interprate themselves (always back to society with me...I'll fix that sooner or later)...
...for some reason it reminds me of dreams...of how you can have all these crazy pyschaedelic ideas in dreams and yet you can understand every single one of them in some way because they came from your head...
...now the structure I loved because they rhyming and flow scheme is constantly shifting throughout the stanzas...
...great write...another step into this magical rabbit hole...
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call Elmer i think the red queen is off her head again.
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Intruiging. I like the idea that trying to stay in tune with all the many different styles of poetry isn't quite what poetry is all about and there's something generally wrong with all of them. Again there's strong imagery but since this seems to be your poetic calling card I don't feel it needs restating for every one. I liked the bit about the romantics, I love the romantics myself (don't judge me too harshly for that :-)) and it has to be said they're not all about the 'purity abandoned on the steps of yesteryears hollow sanctum' some of them are a bit darker than that. But anyway, an admirable poem that keeps the reader going and doesn't disappoint.
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thank you again for such a an indepth comment that lets me know I succeded in inspiring thought - poetry's ultimate frontier. While yes I was poking fun at many schools of artistic view, it was tongue in cheek exhibition of ostentatious nature revealing influences that help twist this heap of neurons.
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It was the title that drew me in but it was the imagery that kept me... politically kinky. Unusual mix. Every image was so clear and so abrupt... I can't tell you if it's brilliant or not but I liked it. You set yourself apart.
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I came for the title and got trapped by the rush of words, images piled like sand dunes. It has taken a while to locate the good poets here but so glad I have. Buff
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honored grams. truly
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I must agree with comment
that is somewhere downward from us...WHY? hasn't this won a Gold yet?
Extremely well penned piece!
Write on and on and on!
Tried to find a favorite line/but there were just too many!
and
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thanks isk, your too kind. well it got the gold finally. now i got somewhere to store all the excess shit when i get too full of myself LOL> thanks for reading. have a groovy day.
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A Psychedelic Trip
Responding as requested…
This whole poem feels like a psychedelic trip.
"one filled the laughter of Lennon / and the tears & spittle of Lenin." made me feel (imagine) what those might be/feel like; then "or was that vice versa" caused me to consider those possibilities. The laughter of Lennon… I like/want that. The tears & spittle of Lenin… complex feelings: trying to remember the underpinnings of Lenin’s passions. Then the other two possibilities, and my head is swimming trying to keep all those motivations and personality characteristics in my mind. These three lines definitely made me think about Lennon and Lenin, their motivations, their passions, their public messages (and to some extent, their private lives as well).
"scribing voyeurs of all that purity abandoned on the steps of yesteryear's hallowed sanctum.": Waaay cool phrase.
"the impressionist make not an impression / more like a mere indention" …lol!
"swift kick to my priapismic erection" …LMAO!, then
"with nazi boots of oppression" …euwwww, and Grrrr!!!
"taunting tender suppression of any red light obsessions." … *feels hurting constriction in my chest*, thinking of a man being kicked in the family jewels
Stanza 5 caused a feeling of revulsion.
"enunciate poorly like a southern mongoloid overdosing on his hair lipped mothers affection." made me think about the Appalacian mountains on the East Coast (of the US), reputed for in-breeding.
Overall, it made me think/consider a lot about the concepts being portrayed. So yeah, it made me think AND feel. Nice piece.
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Nice usage of nouns and verbs. It is phenominal to see all those multi syllable words used in proper context. you have a way with imagery that is unmatched. I am impressed with the way you wrote this. Thank you for sharing.
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thanks, words are the most fun toys of all arent they.
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Surely this should have already won a gold?? Very well worded and what wonderful words fit together. A longer more in depth comment you would and may receive at a later date when it isn't as early in the morning as it is coming to be. I shall for now leave with you knowing this was fantastically written, also I love the title.
Laura.
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thank ya kindly Laura, look forward to your return. an honor.
Adrian
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I can certainly see why there are a number of shiny trophies at the bottom of this page. This is...tempestuous. Thought provoking. Sexual intelligence. Interesting - as a lot of your work is but this goes a bit further.
And the last three lines are simply brilliant. Brown acid my ass. You are just a smart guy with a outlet of writing the strange and unusual.
Thanks for joining our happy little tribe!
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and thanks for having me gal. a good tribe it is.
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i believe i have read you in the past. always such fiine work
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No kudos on this one, sir. As a Southern Gentleman, I truly resent your comments on Southern Mongoloids. You brazen prejudice against both Southerners and people of a Mongol heritage has no place in poetry, my good man!
I'm just fucking with ya. Good one.
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LOL ya goof. aint seen ya round in a while hope all is well. i will try and make it over and peruse your latest this eve. peace,
A
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AMAZING!!!
the surrealists make the convolutions unspool
and leave a sticky path down a strange highway
as the pages mummify this sunburnt aztecan scarecrow
sitting in chair of dismay
disavowing dismal decay.
-----------------------------
Whoa this is one heck of a poem you have got here, geeze, I loved this poem, I bookmarked it because I adore this write. This is just amazing and really shook me to the ground with ways I can't described.
I bookmarked this one so I can read it later.
This is a great write, I am surprised I didn't comment on this earlier!
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you know....this would be one hell of a song...
i've been hearing lyrics in your poems...
do you write music or play?
you have some real powerful and pounding songs in
you....feasting for guitar and drums!
a screaming saxaphone would be kewl too!
ears/Seattle
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just bad harmonicam, and i do tend to write alot of em just as the muse speaks it.. if that makes sense. always had a yearning to learn accoutstic and transmorph my poems to lyrics but havent the first clue. that encounter has yet to transpire. glad ya dig it, have a groovy one.....
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BAWWWWWW
I love it but it;s not what I am asking for sorry. My fault though as I should have explained better what I was after. I had 8 people who deserved trophies in my talk to yourself one. And asked them to quickly put their poems here because they deserved trophies. Thats why names are not hidden so I could see them. It has all back fired on me as I don't see them all and some wonderful poems like yours have popped up. But totally wrong for this. It is a kinda question answer we sometimes have with ourselves over something. Like should I No I wont, buut then maybe I should, get the picture? So Now I have to judge this in a totally different way. I am such a idiot for no explaining again in case anyone else entered before those I invited. !!
I will be judging differently now because I love this
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Thanks for the honours of silver and for hosting this. In essence it was a conversation with the inner muse, or self, but yeah, parts of it dont read as such. Glad ya like it well enought o grace it despite it not matching your original intent.
Again, thanks and have a groovy day.
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How on earth did I miss seeing this?!
And may I ask, what meaning are you trying to conceal?
Who’s behind the infamous “brown acid”
***Curious lil me, aint I always?***
okay, your poem… I can’t help but feel a very personal connection to it.
“psychedelic sojourn in a sensory depravation tank”
Wow... I seriously can’t come up with anything less cliché then WOW!!!
The surrealists
The romantics
The impressionists
Wow dammitt! No planned symbolism?
You make a poem so goddam creative, unique and mastered in every reasonable and none reasonable way effortless. When it’s not. You and this aroma you spread through your write.. Your killing me!
Some parts made me roll off my bed and onto the floor LMAO!
how you combine senualism, bold frankness and humor is just a killer!
she feeds him quatrains and cumquats
shot from a fragile slingshot borrowed from Babel's Tower
in the late hour of shameless shannanigans.
My heart skipped a beat when I reached right there and huge part of me wanted to read more... Endlessly read what ever you have to say.
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the brown acid is just a joke Yotta, no great conspiracy LOL.. .. supposedly there was a bad batch of ultra strong blotter acid (on brown paper) that was distributed at the beginning of Woodstock (no i was not actually concieved or birthed during, again a joke). anyhow the write (despite being done relatively sober) reads like a bad acid trip. and yeah, thats the long and short of this little inside joke. Thank you for your comments and appreciation for this wacked out subconscious ditty. Much love Yotta. Peace,
Adrian
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This is awesome, and that is quite the title. Love this piece, thank you for entering the contest. Good luck.
♥
whisper
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LOL ya the title is almost a poem in its own write LOL what can i say other than prone to letting the muse run rampant
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Yes!
This regurgitated 'flow of mindless mastabatory excess' is quite good. The difficult thing to decide is which parts work and which ones don't. The only thing that I am sure of is that there is 'more poetry' in this then in any of my works. I see great potential in someone that can go to this extreme. Your 'stream of consciousness' may need some editing and then again if that is done you might lose what makes it work. If you ever do edit it, I would like to see the new piece. Thanks, for sharing this unique piece.
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groovy, will do.
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Yeah - it made me think alright!
lol WOW!!! So much going on here - there is a great random sense of depth to be unveiled, drenched in volcanic bursts of humor to lighten the blow! I could say, a proverbial mind-fuck, though that might be far too unlady like; however, seeing as it is in the wee hours - I think I can get away with that for now! (I think?)
Seriously, this is just very powerful in itself, truly thought provoking - something that can really turn the wheels ... And in this case, when the mind wanders - to a nice cozy place, rules are just a guideline lol!
Nicely done!
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thank you so much for the very indepth commentary. Glad ya enjoyed, and thats a big 10-4 on rules.
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apparently the brown acid aint so bad
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this is fucking brilliant
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LOL at brown acid not being so bad. u nut! thanx tim, you always make me laugh with your comments and think when reading your poignant writes
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Dude you never read the word count!! LMAO
That's some write tho!
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naw, i read it... before the prompt. after that pic, my muse just kicked it in overdrive.. i just lost myself - just capturing all the swirling madness in my head.
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Um.. only supposed to be 30 words.
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aww hell, oops ok screw it, DQ i guess, no way to condense
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such a great prompt I got carried away and just dove head first butt naked into my favorite playground of the abstract. disreguard Kiwi, my apologies for botchin yet again. damn rules. I guess ya could just count the first stanza and disreguard the rest of that ramble.
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