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Shrinking Memory

I crashed against the wall like the shoreline
Beating into the rocks
We used to watch it but not anymore.
Did I think I would make a smooth landing with you
The one that sucked my soul out of my i.v.
I can't even tell which way is up
The shore pounded me too hard, and the waves were too cold,
And I just couldn't handle thoughts of you
You hospitilized my memories of you when you ran off
With the doctor with the four eyes and green coat.
Kill me a little more why don't you,before I slip on the seaweed on my own.

A contest entry

What do you think?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

  • ashjoe76
    October 9, 2008

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    this is a very impressive poem. i loved all the lines, for their beauty that compe4tes with one another. and, you land with a real thud!
    Kill me a little more why don't you,before I slip on the seaweed on my own...
    great work dear firned


  • endless-lover silver member
    October 8, 2008

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    Did I think I would make a smooth landing with you

    &&

    You hospitilized my memories of you when you ran off



    these were my fave two lines strong and great write i loved it much best of luck in the contest always,


    vanna